i. Eating Disorders (Blog 9): Recovery (4) Find your Passion.

In this blog I will discuss an important step in your recovery from an eating disorder (ED):

Finding your passion.

To find your passion is to find your reason to recover. Your passion will inspire you to let go of the ED. It will give your recovery direction and purpose. And, discovering and claiming something you love to do can have a wonderful ripple effect through the rest of your life - leading to all sorts of positive changes:  improved self-esteem, happiness, a break from the ED thoughts and behaviours, friendships, employment, health … and, maybe, other passions later on.

Well known author, Nicholas Sparks wrote:  '

The saddest people I've ever met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there's nothing to make it last.'

I agree with this quote.  Passion is the rocket fuel which drives us to seek out our dreams - and bring them to life. (Obviously, as long as our dreams are achievable and realistic).

In this blog, I will discuss all of these exciting outcomes which result from finding something in your life to be passionate about. We'll discuss how to go about looking for your passion, and, then, getting started with it - even if you have no experience in the activity, and you don't feel particularly 'passionate' about it to begin with.  Simply enjoying 'whatever-you-start-with' is enough at first.  The 'whatever-you-start-with' activity  might even become a stepping stone to your true passion later on. Or, your passion, for the activity, may simply grow as your skills and your interest increase. We'll discuss this.

But, passion for 'something' is an important ingredient for a happy life - for everyone - irrespective of whether or not they have, or have had, an ED.

In life, we all have a need to feel like we matter. We need to feel that our lives hold some meaning, a purpose, and some level of importance. So, finding something that we can do - which provides value to others, resonates with our beliefs and interests, and is supported by our acquired skills - will deepen our enjoyment and engagement in life.

Conversely, having nothing in your life about which you feel passionate will make recovery from an ED more difficult:  Why get better if there is nothing else meaningful, in your life, to do instead? 

And, even if you did manage to recover, without any engaging activities to occupy your time and your thoughts - and to help reduce your depression, anxiety, and low self esteem - you will remain at high risk of relapsing with another ED, or engaging in other ED-associated maladaptive behaviours (as explained in previous blogs) such as:  alcoholism, drug addiction.

So finding yourself a passion is an integral part of a successful, and permanent, recovery from an ED.  It's also really fun and exciting.

Passion-hunting, then, is the purpose of this blog.


'Define passion - before we go searching for one', I hear you say. 

Great idea!  It is always hard to find something - when we are unclear what it is, exactly, we are looking for:

The word 'passion' has been defined as the energy which drives us to persevere; it keeps our lives filled with meaning, and happiness, and excitement.  Passion can motivate us to accomplish almost anything we set our minds to - allowing us to experience work and life to the fullest extent.

Author and philosopher, Howard Thurman said:

'Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.  And then go and do that.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.' 

And that's what finding your passion is about.  It is finding what will make you happy and engaged in life in a wonderful, exciting way. When you discover your passion - you will usually also discover your purpose in life.  A purpose and a path which you want to follow. Or, even, need to follow.

The nature of our passion is unique for each of us.  It is the enjoyable activities which we would do for free - and which we wish that we had even more time to engage in.

And, as I've said, the importance of finding your passion is that finding your passion - means finding yourself a powerful reason to get better! 

Your 'passion' is something which will occupy so much of your thinking, and your energy, that there will be no room left for the ED!  Eventually, the ED - with all it's rules, and negative demands on you, and overwhelming control on your thoughts - will fade away.  You will want the object of your passion more than the ED.  Faced with a choice of the ED or  your passion - you will choose your passion. 

Also, any moment that you can spend focusing on something or someone else is a moment in which the ED, and its associated depressing and anxious thoughts, can't get your attention.

This may seem like a million miles away for you right now.  You very likely have absolutely no idea about what your passion is.  You may not believe me that this will be an integral part of your recovery.  But, trust me.  This is the first step.  The necessary 'first step' to get you where you will find your path to happiness and meaning in your life.  All little steps - to recovery.

In my own life, I escaped from my ED by taking up my life-long 'passion-of-choice':  Study; doing well at school, and focusing on learning new things.  Curiosity in the world and people became my passion.  And, as my passion to learn and study increased, my ED became less important to me.  Increasingly, I began to define myself by my new obsession: Learning things.  And, as my study-skills grew, I realised that I could use these skills to learn almost anything I wanted. More doors began to open in my life.  New and exciting possibilities presented themselves to me.  My self esteem improved, with each of my accomplishments, and my mood lifted as my focus on life became less introspective.

My ED was being increasingly pushed to one side - as study, and my academic goals, consumed more of my thoughts. Furthermore, I became increasingly annoyed that my anorexia was hindering my study ambitions - because my constant hunger, and my endless thoughts about food were interrupting my study-time and my sleep. So, finally, at the beginning of year 11, aged 16,  I decided to stop the ED behaviour altogether.

No longer would I weigh myself, or limit my food intake.  I decided to ignore my weight, eat meals with my family again - and put all my focus and energy into doing well at school. I was competitive, and my new passion was study and grades. I  no longer valued being the thinnest person in a room - or the school. If my mind turned to worry about weight or eating, I would see the word 'STOP' in my head.  And I would replace the thought with more study, a walk, television, music - or some other form of distraction.  But I refused to engage in the ED behaviours. My one goal and passion was study and achieving good grades.  My new mantra became: 'I will NEVER diet again!'  Actually, even now, 30 years later, that remains my mantra.

Eventually, my study-passion led to my life path - Medicine.  While working in a  medical career, I met many lovely people: colleagues, patients, and friends.   I also met my soul-mate and best friend: my husband, David.  And, that led on to my next passion and life path: marriage and motherhood.  Eventually another passion came along: writing.  Actually, there were probably a few other passions in between, as well. Passions do that.  They can change over the years - and they introduce you to all sorts of lovely experiences, interesting people, and often a rewarding career. They can lead you to your life path.  And that life path can be an exciting journey. Not necessarily an easy journey.  But a rewarding, enjoyable, and interesting one.


Another example of how finding a passion can lead to recovery from an ED involves the teenage daughter of a friend of mine. (For this discussion, I'll call my friend's daughter Emily). 

Emily had suffered with anorexia nervosa over many years. Before the illness, she had loved sports and she had numerous friends.  However, since the onset of the ED, her life had become a miserable stagnation - revolving around numbers, weight, calories, sit-ups, depression, anxiety, and isolation. 

One day, Emily's mother had an idea.  She remembered that her daughter used to love competing in sports. (This is typical of many ED sufferers - who are often quite competitive). So, she suggested to Emily that she might like to train for a triathlon. 

This might seem counter-intuitive for an ED sufferer - weak and wasted from the illness - to engage in hours of strenuous calorie-burning exercises each day.  However, Emily's mother's suggestion was to start slowly - one tiny step at a time.  But, with each small step, she hoped that Emily would re-build the passion she once had for sport. 

Emily was wasted and weak, after suffering with the ED for years, so initially her efforts involved short walks with her mother.  Together they gradually increased the distance walked, then swum, and eventually ridden on their bikes.  With each step conquered Emily's motivation to continue, and go further, increased.  Her self esteem returned and her mood lifted - as her focus shifted from introspection to the world around her: people and events.  She also got to enjoy the outdoors during her training: the sunshine, the breeze in her hair, the colours and perfume of flowers, the shade under trees, birds.

Emily's focus, with her exercise, was not on losing weight, but on building up her fitness to be competitive in races.  Her passion for sport was returning and growing the more she trained.  Eventually, she also found herself mixing with other young people, similarly training for triathlons.  Socialising was now easier for Emily because she had something to talk with them about:  their shared passion for athletics.

Finally, like me with study, Emily was confronted with a choice:  She could engage in her passion to the highest level of her abilities - which would mean stopping the ED entirely - or she could continue with the ED, resign herself to a significantly lower level sports achievement, or quit sports altogether.  She couldn't do both - as well as she wanted to. 

So, like me, Emily chose her passion (sport) over her ED.  And, she stopped the ED behaviour completely. Her weight returned to a healthy range (BMI: 19 − 25), and she never relapsed again with the ED. She didn't need the ED anymore.  She had found more than enough reward and happiness in her sporting achievements. And, her anxiety and depression had markedly improved,  after engaging in her passion. The ED no longer held any appeal or purpose.

Emily recovered from her ED many years ago, like me. And, since then, she has never relapsed.  Her initially passion (sports) led her onto her life path, and, later, with new passions - new life paths followed.  Emily found for herself a life filled with health, happiness, friendships, a rewarding career,  in a meaningful life filled with purpose and passion. Passion can do that for you. It did the same for me.


Life is meant to be enjoyable.  Sure, not all the time, but every day some happiness can be found - if you know 'how' to look at things. And, life can be seen as a journey. A journey with goals, purpose, excitement, and happiness.  Passion is the energy which powers that journey.

And that is what I will discuss in this blog. Although, remember that we take tiny steps to get there.  As the famous proverb states:

Every journey of a thousand miles … begins with a single step.

However, this step, in your recovery from the ED, is one of the most fun, and inspiring, and effective steps. This step will lead you into a happier life path. Wait and see.


So how  do you begin to look for your passion?

Great question!  I'm glad you asked.  Let's go Passion-hunting!


1. Start today - and be 'open to ideas'.

Start today. Tiny steps - but steps none-the-less. 

You might start by creating just a short list of 'possible passion ideas' - a  few words on a page.  You might open a phone book, or use Google, on your computer, to check out local clubs which you might join or look into: hobbies, sports, recreational activities, volunteer groups.  Consider the activities in which you were engaged before the ED.  That might be a place to start. But DO something today.

It's been said that a writer writes.  If you want to write - write.  This concept can be universally applied to anything you wish to do. Do it.

You'll rarely be absolutely sure that what you start will work out.  But you can always be absolutely sure that doing nothing - won't work. Sometimes you have to just go for it.  As the Nike ad says:  Just do it!  Many things are like that in life.  Take a leap of faith.  Even if that that 'leap' begins as 'a tiny step'.

The key, however, is to get started.  You may not feel motivated yet, and you may not expect to enjoy yourself in the activities you choose to start with. Yet, it will be enough , at first, to simply occupy your mind on something OTHER than the ED, and the associated perfectionism, depression, and anxious thoughts.


2.  Rediscover your 'authentic self':  What did you enjoy doing as a child or teenager?

 It has been said: 

Work for a cause, not applause.  Live a life to express, not  impress.

Do what you want to do.  If no-one was watching and you would never be judged - what would you do?  It doesn't matter how practical it is, if it will earn you an income, or if it seems 'cool'.

What did you enjoy doing as a child?  As children we often lived more authentically.  We were less interested in what the rest of the world thought of us back then.  Those were the things we often did just for the joy of doing them.  We didn't worry whether or not we did them well. We lived in the moment.  The 'timeless' right brain.  Less logical than the left brain.  Less constrained.  More creative.

Brainstorm ideas.  Write down things you loved to do - before the ED.  Write down things which you used to dream of doing: travel, designing clothes, painting, playing a musical instrument, writing fiction of non-fiction or poetry, creating a beautiful garden, helping other people.  It doesn't matter that you have had no experience in those activities, or that you are afraid that you might not be any good at them. That doesn't matter a hoot!

Don't just look at the things that you have a natural aptitude for - but don't enjoy.  Dream of the things that you might simple 'love' to do.  Regardless of anything else.
And, don't stop to consider whether any of it is possible.  Just imagine - and write that down.  We can deal with details later.



3. What have you been told that you are good at?

People usually mean the compliments they make.  Psychology studies support this.   If people like something - they will often say so.  If people don't like something - they usually say nothing at all; or they might answer evasively.  For example, if you ask someone if they like your dress, but they hate it - they'll likely answer evasively: 'Well, it's a lovely colour'; or 'the fabric's beautiful';  or, 'It's modern'. 

So, if people spontaneously have told you that you do something well - they will usually mean it.  And, if more than one person has commented on your skills in an area - then it is very likely true that you are talented in this activity.

This may inspire you to embrace this activity, and develop your interest/talent more.  Passion, for the craft, may follow from developing mastery of the activity.  Or, starting the activity may lead you on to something else -  possibly related - which you enjoy and can develop as a passion.

But again note that you don't have to be naturally good at something to enjoy it, and to engage in it passionately.  You also don't need to make any money from your passion.  Furthermore, most crafts take 10,000 hours to master: musical instrument, writing, painting.  And, any artist, who is a master of his or her craft, and who tells you  otherwise (ie. that their talent is all natural with no effort and little practice) is a liar. Many psychology studies support this. Fact.

Skill comes with practice - which is driven by passion - which builds up as you practice. The 'passion' is the love of it.  Trial and error will find you your passion.


4. Is there anyone you envy, or who 'annoys' you?

We tend to envy people who are doing things which we wish we could do.

For example, if someone you knows spends a lot of their time travelling, or writing, or playing a guitar - and that annoys you: 'Why are they not suffering like the rest of us - miserable?' you might ask yourself.  A better question might be: 'Would I like to do that … travel, write, play the guitar?'

Envy is a great emotion to be aware of.  It is often our subconscious telling us that 'this' is what we'd love to do.  Listen.  Write down how you feel and what you envy - next time you feel this emotion.  And, give it some thought.  Don't reject it as ridiculous.  Think about it over a few days.


5. Take notice of the activities in which you lose track of time and  you hate to stop.

What would you love to spend hours doing? What activities do you feel that you never get enough time to do all they you wish you could?

Think back - before the ED.  Or, imagine that you've just won the lottery and you are free to do whatever you want to with no limits of time or money.

Even if some things you imagine are beyond your budget, or seem impossible - imagine how they make you feel.  For example, if winning the lottery would mean that you could travel the world - how would you feel?  Excited to meet new people?  Excited to experience new places and cultures?  Excited to climb mountains and experience beautiful vistas? 

Well, in your current life (without a lottery win) how could you experience those same feelings and similar experiences?  Go hiking locally?  Join a walking group?  I have an 80 year old female patient who runs up a local waterfall mountainside every Tuesday - with her walking group. And, yes, she 'runs' it!  She puts me to shame - almost twice my age!  She also does 20km hikes from country townships, around Adelaide, down into the city.  And she is so happy and fit.  She's a retired PE (physical education) teacher. She also has the physique of someone less than half her age. She bounds out into the corridor after visiting me, calling out a cheery 'See ya!'

Or that dream of travel might mean that you really wish to travel.  Maybe you could set a goal of opening a savings account and taking weekend trips to other cities every few months.  You could also explore other places to visit on-line, or in books.  Maybe you could study other cultures, learn to cook dishes from other cultures (my mother did this - and then she arranged dinner parties with a different national theme - every couple of months), or you could learn different cultural dances - Spanish, Irish … you get the point.

And, if doing that activity doesn't blow your hair back - then you will have still learned something, developed some skills, met some new people, and possibly found something along your travels which you do enjoy.

Trial and error may be necessary to find your passion.  Tick these things off your list as you go.

By the way, studies have shown that simply trying new things and ticking things off a 'to-do list'  - both increase the dopamine levels in your brain (I'll discuss that later in this blog)-  which increases your level of contentment, happiness and motivates you to keep going.


6.  Slow down and think: Meditation and other 'in-the-moment' activities.

Life, for many people has become a very busy place filled with noise.  We get out of bed and from that moment until we get back into bed, at the end of the day, we have given ourselves little time to truly think, or acknowledge our feelings.

We do most of the activities in our lives automatically.  This means that we don't have to actively 'think' about how to do them: dressing, making meals, driving our cars, doing our jobs - career, housework, study.  But that is what our lives become:  Unthinking and automatic.

And, when we're not engaged in these 'automatic-activities', we fill our recreation-time with noise:  televisions, radios, computer screens, I-pods, reading.

In fact, it has been found that our brains can deal with about 110 bits of information per second.  That may seem like a lot - but simple daily tasks take quite a lot of information to perform them.  Even decoding speech takes about 60 bits of information per second, which is why it's hard to focus on other things much - while having a conversation - or listening to other people talk.

Our ancestors would have had a lot of time to think in a quiet environment:  walking miles home from work, or school, or the local village - along peaceful country roads; sitting by the fire-side  in the evenings - staring into the flames; fishing from a riverbank or a jetty for hours - watching nature all around.

These are the types of activities when we can hear ourselves think.  During these quiet activities we can reflect more deeply on how we feel, and what we might like to do in our lives.

And we need to be able to slow down and think and feel and listen our thoughts - for a period of time every day.  Even 20 minutes each day would help:  walking in our garden or to a local park' sitting quietly watching the clouds drift by, engaging in yoga or meditation.

During these reflective times let your mind stay in the present.  Focus on the clouds, or a flame (candle or fireplace), or the leaves on the trees fluttering in the breeze.  Any thoughts away from the moment - observe them - but let them drift past you.  Feel your breathing and your limbs and your clothes on your skin and exist for now only.  No regrets, no worries ... now.

And, around this time pose a question to your self:  What do I enjoy?  What do I love to do? 

Our subconscious often knows the answers to many of our questions about our lives.  Some answers rise to the surface during dreams - often disguised by symbolism - rather than words.

Difficult questions will be answered usually by posing a question - and letting our mind dwell on it for a period of time: days or weeks even.  Don't force the answer.  Often the answer - or ideas - will come while we're doing other things.  Maybe during these quiet reflective times.

Either way, some quiet 'in the moment' time each day is really good for us. Amongst other things, it can increase our dopamine levels - which helps us with motivation, memory, cognition, attention, sleep, positive mood, learning and pleasure.


7. Start a journal.

Consider writing a daily journal. It's a great thing to do on many levels. However, include none of the following: calories, weights, negative self-talk , and other ED-rubbish!

No, this journal is to help you to find your passion.  This is your little sanctuary - safe from the ED - and all the negative self-talk.  The old free you will fly and laugh and light a little happy-fire here - to light up your soul - and build hope for a bright future.

I did this and it's great.

In this journal - write a few sentences (or more if you want to) each evening about the 'positive things' which happened during the day. Positive things might include:

- a lovely visual experience: a description of a lovely sunset or sunrise; a lovely landscape; a beautiful flower, or tree, or garden.  Preferably something natural. Natural beauty can be relaxing and inspiring.  You'll feel a part of nature again.

- a pleasant feeling experienced:  (happiness, excitement, inspiration, relaxation, bliss).  Maybe it was a a kind word spoken to you; a kind word or funny joke spoken to someone else but witnessed by you (those events can be really uplifting); a lovely warm bath; a cool breeze which tossed your hair about; a funny story you read or saw on television, a beautiful art work; an enjoyable swim.
Write how you felt.  Only positive feelings and experiences in this diary though.

If you need to write about frustrations and worries - have a separate diary for that.

- a pleasant scent:  coffee, flowers, freshly mown lawn, freshly baked bread, crisp clear air, perfume, soap.

- an experience where you became lost in the activity, in a happy and fun way, and would have loved to continue - but you had to stop: knitting,  writing, painting, watching clouds, listening to music, patting your cat, gardening, walking in a park, swimming.

- Something that inspired you:  words, imagery - photos/paintings, music, kindness of others, bravery of others, selflessness of others, humor - of others, beauty and power of nature around you - wind, waves, majesty of a huge tree, flock of birds.
Hint:  I can find inspiration in the world at least once per day.  It makes me feel so happy to be a live and living amongst brave and kind people. (Obviously not all of them.  But, so many people are inspiring, I find. Even some long dead - who have left beautiful poetry or paintings or gardens or architecture as their legacy).

- Ideas, that come to you during the day, for 'new' things to try - which might be fun, or challenging.   And, if you tried them, write at least one positive thing about the experience. 


Then, at the end of each week - look back over all of the enjoyable experiences you've had.  This is a nice thing to do - as it will help you to begin the habit of focusing outwardly - beyond your own worries and sadness.  It will also lift your mood, as you'll become mindful of how many lovely things occur each day for all of us; not big things, often - but lovely and frequent daily events. And, you might notice the things which you found particularly interesting and enjoyable. 

These things can guide you to possible 'future-passions':

For example, if you enjoyed sitting in the garden during the week, or over the past few weeks, you might consider engaging in a little weeding each day; buying some seedlings or plants from the nursery - which you could nurture and watch grow and flower; reading about the plants which might grow well in your yard - or even on your windowsill; reviewing local gardening groups - or walking groups on-line.  A friend of mine gardens regularly in a local Community  Garden - as one of the volunteers (Mount barker Community garden in Adelaide).

The key is starting with an idea, taking tiny regular steps, not expecting to love the activity immediately - simply look to see if it brings some joy into your life - away from the ED.  Away from numbers and introspection.  Maybe some activity which has you looking forward to spending some time doing it each day - or even once each week, initially.

And, then, write down what you did, anything you enjoyed about it, short-term goals for the next few days (maybe to weed an entire patch of ground, or plant more seedlings, or read up on something), then tick those things off as you go. Maybe, later, if all is going well, you could jot down some medium and long term goals for your new interest.  But, at first - little steps and short term goals are fine.

This will all motivate you to continue, and your interest will increase as you venture on, and as you see the results of your work. Also, getting outside, for any of the activities, will help your mood.  Sunshine, fresh air, nature around you - all less stifling, and suffocatingly 'comfortable' than sitting indoors - which encourages more introspection.

The same approach could be used for any activity you try - arts, crafts, sports, and so on. Write down how the activities went, at the end of each day, and some ideas for future activities or goals.

Also, if you're not sure which activity to start with, on reviewing your journal, just pick a random couple of activities - then toss a coin.  This is a great way to work out which one you'd prefer to do - as you'll find yourself secretly hoping for one or the other - as the coin lands. Our subconscious often knows a lot more about our secret desires than we realise.


Note: 

* Activities which allow physical signs of progress - can be very gratifying and motivating - especially as you see the results of your work.  Also, activities which are creative can allow you to channel some of your feelings, and frustrations, outward - which can be a great stress reliever.
- For example:  knitting, sewing, drawing/painting, scrap-booking, crafts, woodwork (my mother joined a woodwork class in TAFE (adult education classes) - and she built a coffee table, and an ornate book-case, and a few other great pieces or furniture - when she was in her 30's and 40's).

* Taking care of living things - which depend on you - can help you feel more connected, to the world and your community, and more valuable.
- For example:  caring for a pet, volunteering in an animal shelter, baby-sitting, gardening.

The depression and anxiety associated with ED's can make sufferers feel unimportant, or even worthless.  You may feel that what you do has no impact on the world.  To counter these feelings - reaching out to positively affect living things around you can be especially rewarding.
  
*  Join a group: If you're having trouble self-motivating, you could join a group that shares your interest. Being with other people can alleviate feelings of loneliness, but it can also help you to stay motivated and focused on your goals.
- For example: community groups, church groups, book clubs, sports teams, volunteer organisations (ie. local habitat groups, Salvation army helpers, local library).

* Fix something: Activities which require constant use of your hands fuel creativity and motivation - along with producing tangible progress.
- For example: Learn to do some of your own plumbing, learn some home renovation, look up your local TAFE (adult education guide books) for courses on repairs which you would love to self-sufficient doing.

* Exercise-related passions.  These have the advantage of often getting you outdoors and mixing with other people - without needing to engage in much small talk.  Also, the exercise itself can release chemicals in your body which help you to feel happier - and which motivate you to continue: endorphins, seretonin, and dopamine.
- For example:  Tai chi, Judo, karate, walking groups, tennis groups (beginners if necessary), swimming groups or aqua-aerobics.

*  Do your hobbies/passions for fun and enjoyment - not for grades or applause:  This is NOT something which you need to be great at. This is for fun.  It is something which you do for the sake of it - because it's rewarding and enjoyable. You do it for yourself.  You just do it.  Not judge it all. Mastery might come - but that doesn't matter.  That is not what this is about. 

Passion will motivate you to practice, and with practice will come skill and, possibly, mastery.  As I've mentioned earlier, psychologists say that mastery of any craft requires around 10,000 hours of practice.  So, it's normal to start off knowing nothing and being a bit rubbish at a new craft.  Expect to feel like an amateur - but enjoy the path to gaining skills. That's the thrill and joy of it.    



What if you don't feel motivated to start a hobby or look for a passion?

You start anyway.  Don't wait to feel ready.  You might never feel ready.  Feeling motivated will almost certainly happen - after you begin, and when you've become more engaged in the activity - acquired some skill, produced something tangible, and developed some interest in the activity resulting from the knowledge you've acquired.

So, initially, before you feel motivated, you might need to simply rely on some good old fashioned determination and perseverence, and follow the Nike advertising advice:  Just do it! 

When I was younger, I used to go running every day.  I found running helped my general anxiety, and I enjoyed starting each day with a  20 minute run.  I called it my 'thinking' time.

However, on most cold mornings I didn't feel like going out running.  I didn't want to leave my cosy bed.  Yet, as I debated whether or not I'd go for a run - I would 'just do it'.  I'd jump out of bed, throw on my running gear, head out the back door and onto the footpath - and then I'd start enjoying myself.  Then I'd be glad I didn't give in to my inertia and excuses. I would ignore the deabat about going or not - as I just did it.  Regardless. I think most sports people could relate to this.

Also, I'm not surprised that, after suffering with an ED for many months, or even years, you have lost your confidence; your self-esteem is very low; you feel depressed and anxious; you're uncertain about whether you want to let go of the ED - a devil you know - as opposed to  'the new unknown'; and you have lost some of your social skills - since many of your old friends have moved on in their lives - leaving you back in the isolated loneliness of the ED.

I've been there.  I know exactly how you feel.  My daughter has been there, too.  I saw her experiencing all those emotions and worries, too. These feeling with gradually disappear - after you start - and over time.  You'll need to be patient (a blog to follow will discuss that topic).


How does engaging in a hobby/passion increase your motivation to continue and persevere?

As we've discussed, beginning to do something new can be slow, hesitant, interrupted and challenged with lost interest and focus.  Yet, after you engage in the activity - your motivation and focus will almost always increase.

How? you ask.

Well, it's related to a chemical called 'dopamine' - which I've already mentioned in this blog.

There are about 86 billion neurons in the human brain, and they communicate with each other via brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. Dopamine is one of the neurotransmitters.

Dopamine has been called the 'motivation molecule'. It  nudges us into doing stuff.  It's the main reason that we can focus and achieve great things - even if the rewards are not immediate or obvious. 

Dopamine also gives us the 'I did it!' thrill - when we accomplish what we set out to do. It makes us competitive, and it gives us that exciting sense of anticipation as we chase our dreams or passions:  business, sport, love.

Dopamine is associated with the 'pleasure-reward' system. Although, more specifically, it is associated with the 'motivating us to seek rewards' system.  But, once we do achieve our goals - dopamine rewards us with great feeling of pleasure: enjoyment, bliss and even euphoria. 

Some people have higher levels of dopamine than others - and they tend to be the more highly motivated 'go-getters' in society. 

Other people have low levels of dopamine, and they tend to lack a zest for life.  They show low energy levels and low motivation; they often rely on caffeine, sugar, and other stimulants to get through the day.

Dopamine deficient lab mice become so apathetic and lethargic that they lack the motivation to even seek out food, and they starve to death.


Yet, the good news is that the levels of dopamine in your brain can be increased quite easily - in a number of healthy ways:

1.The first way is to engage in new activities:

Dopamine is triggered when we find something new and exciting in front of us. 
This is hardwired into our brains - to appreciate, and seek out 'new' things and experiences.

So, simply engaging in a new activity or hobby - can itself spark an increase in dopamine - which then motivates you to investigate the topic further - which then increases your dopamine more …  which motivates you to seek out new aspects or lessons in your hobby/activity … which boosts your dopamine again… and on and on it goes.  Meanwhile you're learning new skills, and enjoying the dopamine-thrills along the way - and gaining more motivation and energy to keep going.  Even when you may not have felt like doing the activity before you started.


2. Break a large goal up into very small steps (smaller goals):

Dopamine is released after you finish something, whether it's a big job, or a small task.

So, it follows that to get more dopamine surges - which will increase your motivation and focus - if your break a big project/goal into small steps.

Also, if you list those tasks down (maybe your plans for the day's work) you'll boost your dopamine even more.  Apparently, it is more satisfying, dopamine-wise, to physically tick each step off a list as it's achieved.

So, you will be more likely to stay motivated and focused if you have both short term goals, and long term goals, as well as a few 'in-between' term goals - for any big project you do.  Without the small steps to achieve along the way - you're much more likely to become frustrated and give up.

And, that is how we approach both hobbies, passions, and overcoming your ED:

Leap in and get started - motivated or not.  Then tiny achievable steps - and a clear goal of where you're going.  The joy, and motivation to continue, will grow as you attain each small goal along the way.  You'll also continually improve your confidence and self-esteem.


Other activities which can increase dopamine levels (and associated energy levels and motivation):

3. Meditation:
Dopamine increases with meditation.  Thousands of studies have examined the benefits of meditation - and it has been found to also increase our ability to learn, increase our creativity, help us relax, and even lengthen our telemeres - which slows the rate at which we age.

I'll discuss meditation more, and give a few examples of simple ones, in my next blog (blog 10) in this ED series.

4. Exercise:
Physical exercise is one of the best things you can do for your brain. 

Exercise boosts your levels of dopamine, and other 'feel good' neurotransmitters (seretonin, endorphins).

Exercise doesn't need to be strenuous to enhance your brain: walks, yoga, tai-chi - provide powerful mind-body benefits.

5. Music:

Listening to music causes a release of dopamine.  Even anticipating listening to music can increase dopamine.

So, maybe find some music you like to play while you engage in your hobby.  Or engage in music as a hobby.  It's never too late!

6. Dopamine enhancing foods:

Tyrosine is the building block for dopamine.  So, consuming foods which contain tyrosine can increase your brain levels of dopamine.

Some of these dopamine enhancing foods include:  almonds, avocados, bananas, beef, chicken, chocolate, coffee, eggs, green tea, mild, watermelon, yogurt.

Sugar has also been found to boost dopamine, but this is only a temporary boost - more 'drug-like' than 'food-like'.



Finally, what is this thing called 'flow' which artists, and others who engage in their passions, describe as the reason that they lose track of the time -  and they enter a state of bliss and timelessness - while engaging their craft?

Another good question.  And the final topic to discuss with regards to finding a passion for you.

A 'flow' experience is when an individual, performing an activity, is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement, and enjoyment of the process of the activity.

The hallmark of flow, also known as 'being in the zone', or 'in the groove' (in music), is a feeling of spontaneous joy - with deep focus on nothing but the activity - not even oneself (hunger, thirst, and even sleep is forgotten), other people, distractions, one's emotions, or even time. Hours might go by, while engaged in the flow state, and the individual will not be aware of the time lapse.

Studies have also shown changes in the physiology of individuals, while engaged in a 'flow state'.  Their heart rate and blood pressure falls; their facial muscles relax; and the quality of their performance improves as opposed to when they're not experiencing 'flow'.

Flow is a wonderful experience.  I've experienced it many times, myself.  For me I've experienced it while writing an entire 15 page short story (in one sitting) - then I'll realise it's four o'clock in the morning, I'm hungry and thirsty and really tired - but I don't want to stop.  I'm lost in my art.  My husband often experiences a similar state while playing blues guitar for hours.  I'll storm into his study and tell him it's dinner time, dark outside - and he's been playing for hours.  He's not been aware - but he's so happy and engrossed in his music. 

The study of 'flow' occurred mostly in the 1980's and 1990's.  A psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term - although the concept of 'flow' had been know for millennia, practitioners of eastern religions have practiced the discipline of overcoming the separateness of self and object - feeling 'one' with what you're engaged doing - as a central feature of spiritual development.


So the 'flow' concept relates to being 'at one' with things, or being 'completely immersed' in an activity - resulting in a timeless joyful experience.

For 'flow' to occur, the activity requires: clear goals; specific skills (which you learn and practice); challenge which stretches your abilities - but is neither too hard, nor too easy - so it stretches you to improve; and immediate feedback (you can see how well you're doing).

And this is one of the wonderful joys is mastering a craft.  This is why some artists become so 'addicted' and 'lost' in their activities.  And, you can enjoy this too. It's so much fun. And rewarding - as it will pull you along - to keep improving at your craft.

In fact, the reason psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term 'flow' for this phenomenon - was because when he interviewed different people, in 1975, about how they felt during this mental state - they often used the metaphor of a 'water current carrying them along'. 


Summary:

This has been a long blog - as 'finding your passion' is a wonderful topic to discuss - with many aspects to consider, and many reasons to see it as an integral part of your recovery from an ED.

Finding your passion (or more than one passion) can bring many rewards:

- It can break to cycle of rumination and give you goals, purpose and meaning in your life.  And with this, it can reduce introspection, and improve life satisfaction and happiness for you.

- It can bring you to a state of 'mindfulness' - where you can exist 'in the moment' - not miserable about the past, and worried about the future.  And with this, you can find peace and contentment.

- Activities which you enjoy and feel passionate about can increase the helpful chemicals in your brain - which help to energise you, motivate you to do things, help your mood become more positive and less anxious, improve your memory, sleep, cognition, and focus.

- Activities you love can give you something to talk about - with family and friends.  This will help you to re-establish more positive relationships with other people.And, engaging in the hobbies/activities themselves, can bring you into the paths of other people - and help to reconnect you with others again.

- Finding your passion can help to improve your self-esteem, and your sense of self-worth and value again - as you see your skills improve, and you begin to master your craft or interest. And, you might be able to share your skills with others - and help them, possibly.

- Hobbies can help you to practice problem-solving skills - which you can use in other areas of your life, or, to deal with stresses and problems in the future. Both the skills, and the positive mindset we establish - in sports or crafts -  can  be used in the bigger picture of our lives, and help us to anticipate, and work towards, more positive outcomes. 



* Finally, if you don't find yourself immediately drawn to an activity - relax.  You could just try something new, or give it a couple of months.  Some hobbies, and activities get more enjoyable as we learn skills and make progress.


*And, never wish that you had uncovered your passion sooner, as the passion you discover today is not what you might have liked five or ten years ago.  The knowledge that you have acquired, over this time, is what will allow you to recognise the 'right' activity, or craft, when it comes along.


Proverb: A journey of one thousand miles begins with a single step.

Take a step today.  Even a tiny step.  That still counts.  Well done.  Tick it off your list.

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