My short story of fiction relating to this week's blog title of 'procrastination'.
Tomorrow
Jeremy walked along the city footpath. His gait was brisk and like many other young men in their mid twenties he seemed often in a hurry. He was on his way to have lunch at his favourite cafe. A ritual he followed every work-day. The cafe sat adjacent to an expansive park near to the Architectural firm where he worked as a junior architect.
He noticed how beautiful the park looked as he approached the Cafe de la Paix. It was the height of Summer and the huge oaks and willow trees looked majestic. Their foliage was lush and green. Masses of flowers splashed warm colours of orange and pink and red amongst the carpet of long grass which grew along the banks of the river. A few mothers with prams and a couple of men in suites wandered casually along the garden paths or sat on the numerous benches feeding ducks.
Arriving at the cafe Jeremy swung open the polished wooden door. Bounding in, his eyes quickly scanned the small room as he simultaneously tried to adjust his vision to the darker environment. There were about 15 tables covered with white linen tablecloths scattered through the modest interior. A wood and glass cake-display counter stood against the back wall and a large latticed window looked out over the park.
Jeremy, tall with dark curly short hair and a natural athletic frame, smiled brightly when he spotted her. She was sitting at a small wooden table near to the window. Their usual meeting spot. She was sipping her coffee and gazing out at the view.
He stopped briefly to admire her. Her name was Olivia. She was in her mid twenties like himself. Her hair was honey blonde and it reached just below her shoulders. She kept it pulled back off her face with clips during the week while she worked in her accounting practice nearby. Her dress was made of a soft floaty cotton: pink, knee-length and pulled in around her slim waist with a thin leather belt.
She was beautiful and Jeremy was in love with her. Although he hadn't told her that yet. In fact he hadn't even asked her out on a proper date.
He'd meant to. And he told himself that he would ask her out very soon.
He just wanted their first date to be perfect and memorable; so he needed to sort out a few things in his own life first. Things like smartening up his city apartment. It was a bit of a mess currently with chipped, second-hand furniture and peeling paint. He would buy a stylish lounge and a new dining suite and paint the place out, he thought. He certainly had enough money. He was well paid in his job. It was just a matter of getting around to doing these things. Life seemed always to be so busy.
Jeremy knew that he wasn't well organised and he knew that he had a tendency to leave things until the last minute. But, he reminded himself, he usually got things done eventually.
'Better late than never' was his motto.
Olivia and Jeremy had met six months earlier. It happened the day that they had both attempted to pick up the cafe's last newspaper to read over lunch. They had both insisted that the other one should take the paper and in the end Jeremy had bought it and given it to Olivia.
However, neither of them had read it that day. They had decided to share a table and when they found that they had so much in common they'd spent the rest of the lunch hour talking.
Since then three times a week, when they both were free for a longer lunch break, they had met and chatted over lunch for an hour. It was the thing that Jeremy most looked forward to in his whole week. They could talk endlessly about all sorts of fascinating and funny things and the time just flew by.
Jeremy was usually shy but with Olivia he knew that he became the best version of himself. Somehow her happy and warm personality and the fact they they shared so many ideas and interests meant that when he was with her he was never short of things to say. He felt so happy when they were together. More than at any other time in his life.
He'd noticed that in the last couple of months Olivia had always finished lunch by giving him a warm hug. He guessed that she probably felt something more than just friendship for him as well. He suspected that she probably wanted him to ask her out. And he would. Soon. However, he had a few things to sort out first ... and then they could date. Assuming, of course, that she said yes when he asked her.
After he had been standing admiring her for a few moments she looked over toward the door where he stood and she smiled when she saw him. He waved to her and gestured that he would just order his usual lunch from the counter: ham and cheese baguette with a flat white coffee. She laughed and waved back. She had teased him so often about being boring with his choice of lunch. Always the same and always so unadventurous. She had reminded him that there were many other lovely things on the menu. Ok, he'd promised her. One day soon he would order something different
Jeremy brought his coffee and baguette over to their table and sat down.
"I've started already", she apologised holding up a half eaten sandwich. "I hope you don't mind. I've not been here long but I'll need to make this lunch a short one I'm afraid."
Jeremy tried not to show his disappointment. He waited silently for her to finish what she was saying.
"I've got to finish work early today as an old friend of my brother, actually he's also an old friend of mine, well he's moved to the city and I said I'd help him move his things into his new apartment. He was a school friend of my older brother, Jack. He used to come over to our house a lot when we were all teenagers". She smiled as she said this and for a moment Jeremy thought that she seemed lost in her memories.
Jeremy wasn't sure if he should feel worried. He wondered if this old friend might be interested in Olivia as more than just a friend now. Was he good looking, he wondered? Did he have some impressive job? A little voice in Jeremy's head reminded him that he really should ask Olivia out soon. Now, actually, would be a good time. She was so lovely and attractive and he knew that any guy would want to go out with her... and be lucky to call her their girlfriend.
He wanted to ask her out. He wanted to ... but the words. What would he say? He wasn't ready yet.
She was watching him now. Waiting for some sort of response. She seemed to be searching his face for some sort of reaction to what she had just said. He wondered if she was getting annoyed with him for not having the nerve to ask her out on a proper date after all this time. They clearly liked each other. She was the one who made a move by hugging him at the end of their lunches together. He knew that it was now up to him to make the next move. But he just wasn't ready yet, he thought. Not yet.
"That's kind of you", he finally responded. "I can help if you like. I could get out of work early and help you with your ... friend.
"No. That's fine. I don't think it will take that long. Anyway, I think it would be boring for you. All the old stories and people from my past that you won't know. "
Jeremy was somewhat relieved. He hadn't really wanted to help some stranger move into an apartment after a long day at work. Although, it would have been nice to ensure this old friend and Olivia didn't get too close and chummy.
He realised that he was getting paranoid and too possessive. Olivia was free to help an old friend move house without him getting jealous. Anyway, he reminded himself, he had no real claim on Olivia. They were not actually dating yet. And he knew who's fault that was.
It was soon time for Olivia to go. She picked up her handbag and her cardigan from the back of her chair, then bent down and put an arm around Jeremy's shoulders in a hug goodbye.
"Bye, Jeremy", she said as she skipped off. "See you Monday and have a nice weekend."
Jeremy remained in his seat. He had a strange feeling of foreboding. A voice deep inside told him that an important opportunity in his life was disappearing. A window was closing and he needed to act now if he truly wanted her and if he truly loved her.
He took another sip of coffee.
Monday came and Jeremy was the first one to arrive at the cafe. He ordered his usual lunch and watched out over the peaceful river bank. It was another warm sunny day with a deep azure blue sky.
Jeremy had missed Olivia in the two days since they'd last seen each other and he felt anxious to see her again.
Lost in his thoughts he was brought back into the moment when Olivia put her arm around his shoulders in a gentle welcoming hug.
"Hi," she said.
She then put her coffee cup and a plate of bolognese onto the table and hung her cardigan on the back of her chair.
She seemed a little unsettled today, Jeremy thought. In some way she seemed not quite her usual self. He thought he could see a tinge of sadness in her eyes.
"How did the moving go?" he asked.
"The what?"
"The moving. You helped that old friend move into his apartment on Friday night."
"Oh', she responded. "He was nice." She then quickly added, "I mean it was nice to help my help friend, Matthew. That was nice. His name's Matthew and it was nice to see him again."
She seemed flustered and quickly picked up her coffee and took a sip as if she wanted to stop herself from saying anything more for the moment.
After a short period of silence between them she put her cup down again. She then took a deep breath before continuing.
"Matthew asked me out ... and we went out to dinner a couple of times over the weekend. We had a very nice time." She spoke quickly and as she spoke she gazed out of the window, away from him, as if she was afraid to see his reaction.
He wasn't sure what he should say. He knew that this was probably a good time to tell her how he felt about her and to ask her out himself. He knew he should. But he... couldn't. Not yet.
When he didn't respond after a long silence she spoke again, her tone a little terse and her voice quieter. She was looking at him now.
"He's asked me out again tonight and he's asked me if I have a boyfriend."
She clutched the sides of her wooden chair tightly. Her body was tense and her breathing rapid and shallow. He sensed fear in her eyes as she appeared to search his face for some sort of emotion. Some sort of reaction to what she'd just said.
Jeremy stayed quiet. He hated himself for not jumping up and grabbing her hands and telling her how wonderful she was and how he'd wanted to ask her out for months ... but he didn't.
He hadn't decided on the right words and he'd wanted to ask her when he felt that more of his life in order. Also, what if she said no? What if his assumptions about her feelings were wrong?
He stayed silent and looked down at the dark wood grain of the jarrah floor.
She picked up her coffee, sighed quietly and looked out into the park. A tear formed in the corner of her eye and she quickly brushed it away.
She looked at him again. "I told him no, Jeremy" she sighed. " I told him no, I don't have a boyfriend."
Jeremy hated himself right now. He just couldn't find the words. He wasn't sure what he should do. In the past he'd always managed to get things done, eventually. Opportunities didn't just disappear. He had time to plan and be sure that in the right time he would get things right. Somehow he feared this time things may be different.
He decided that he needed to say something. Now. A window of opportunity was closing and in his mind he could hear a hard metal bolt slamming shut. A lock that would never open again.
She was his soul mate and the best friend he had ever had. He knew that.
He was shy and quiet; she was happy and outgoing and funny... and he loved her.
But the words. What to say? Quick, he thought. He'd never been good at quick.
His mind was in a panic. Ask her out, you fool! The words screamed out to him in his mind. But he couldn't. He couldn't find the right words to tell her how he felt? He needed time to think.
Suddenly, Olivia grabbed her bag and pushed her chair back so fast it almost fell over.
"I can't do this anymore, Jeremy." Tears ran down her cheeks freely now. She didn't wipe them away.
"I've got to go." She bent down and kissed his cheek and put her arm around his shoulders. She held onto him a little longer than she usually did.
"Goodbye, Jeremy" she whispered softly into his ear.
And with those last words she left.
Jeremy looked up as the door to the cafe closed behind her.
He felt empty. He was furious with himself. He thought what a complete coward and an idiot he was.
He looked at her half eaten meal and then noticed that she'd left her cardigan on the chair.
A small spark of hope reignited in him. She'd left her cardigan. He could return it to her. To her office. He could find her office. It was a local accounting firm. She'd told him so often about it.
He picked up the cardigan, left the table and strode to the door. He would find where she worked and take the cardigan to her that afternoon. He could apologise to her and ask her out today!
The afternoon was a very busy one for Jeremy. Before he could arrange to get to Olivia's office things got hectic at work. There were meetings all afternoon and Jeremy's boss gave him a big new project with a short deadline. He didn't get around to returning the cardigan as he'd planned to on that day.
He meant to return the cardigan to Olivia during the rest of the week but so many things kept getting in the way of doing it he didn't manage to find the time again.
Somehow days turned into weeks and then months. Jeremy returned to the cafe everyday in that time. But Olivia never came back.
It finally got to the point where Jeremy thought it was too late to return the cardigan. He thought that Olivia would be annoyed with him not just for not returning her cardigan sooner but also for not catching up with her to say sorry and for not following her to see how she was when she'd left him so upset at their last meeting.
Almost a year later Jeremy heard that Olivia had become engaged to be married to Matthew, her childhood friend, and the young couple had moved interstate. He never saw her again.
Ten years passed and Jeremy found himself again sitting at his usual table near the window of the cafe. A ham and cheese baguette and a cup of coffee sat on the white table cloth in front of him. His life had remained largely unchanged. He had been promoted to a top managerial position in his architectural firm, his dark hair was now peppered with grey and he'd gained a few pounds. Other than that nothing else much was different.
One thing that didn't change was that he'd never stopped loving Olivia. He'd never forgotten her and he'd never stopped regretting his cowardice and stupidity in not fighting for her and speaking up when he had the chance to all those years earlier.
He now looked out over the cold empty park. The trees were bare; their branches were black gnarled fingers reaching upwards to a heavy grey sky. The riverbank was muddy and bereft of colour. The flowers were gone for the Winter.
Jeremy knew that he should do something to change his life. He was lonely and he knew it was his own fault. He'd had so many opportunities in his life to find a partner and happiness. He was good looking. He had a prestigious and well paid job. He knew that he was a nice and decent man. Yet, he could not forgive himself for letting his soul mate go and he'd never found anyone to compare with Olivia.
He'd learned too late that some opportunities don't wait forever. A window of opportunity exists in some situations for only a relatively brief period of time and then it closes.
He took a sip of his coffee and at that moment he made a decision to change his life. And this time he would make sure he did it.
Olivia would never return. He knew that. But he was still young enough to find someone else. He could still have the family he'd always wanted: a wife, children, a home, Sunday family outings.
He would join a dating agency and find a nice girl with whom he could at least be friends and even, with luck, love her eventually. He would let the past go and be hopeful for the future.
He would stop procrastinating.
With renewed enthusiasm Jeremy left the cafe to return to his office.
He wanted to get started building his future as soon as possible. He would start today, he thought. He would start as soon as he got back to work. He'd sign up to a dating agency on-line that very day. No more delaying things.
He pulled his jacket around his chest as he strode up the icy street. He felt excited about what lay ahead for him.
However, as he walked he remembered that today was not really a great day to start. He had a few urgent phone calls he needed to make when he returned to work and there were a couple of big meetings during the afternoon.
A cold wind picked up, cutting through his thin jacket and sending a chill to his core. He pulled his collar up around his neck. His pace slowed.
He would definitely start the new plans ... but not today. Today was really busy. He would start tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow he reassured himself.
The End
A quick joke that a patient recently told me, before I leave my blog for this week:
I was reminded of this joke when I wrote the fiction story this week; the idea that men and women don't often understand each other.
The joke:
A man is given one wish by God.
He has a long think and decides that as he loves visiting Hawaii so much, but he lives in Australia, he would love a highway that stretches between Hawaii and Australia so he can drive to Hawaii whenever he wishes and not need to fly.
God says to him that the task of building a highway across a vast ocean would be very difficult and probably too large a task for one wish. God tells him the project would require millions on tonnes of cement and bitchumen plus millions of tonnes of steel railings. Furthermore the foundations and footings would need to be built deep into the ocean's floor miles under tonnes of sea water and the labour force required would be astronomical.
God suggests that the man needs to choose another easier wish.
The man considers this and then says,
"Well God, for my wish I would like to understand women."
God has a short think and then responds,
"Will that be one lane or two?"
PS:
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