j. Eating Disorders (blog 10): Recovery (5) Spirituality

'Spirituality' is a part of your recovery. And it's also a wonderful foundation for you to build a happy and healthy life - whether you have an eating disorder (ED) or not.

Note that 'spirituality' does not necessarily mean 'religion'.  The two overlap - but they are not the same thing.  Spirituality is broader and harder to define - although I will explain the difference early in this blog.

And, before you run away, thinking that you might be in for a long boring sermon from me - you're not!  There will be no sermon.  I'm spiritual - without being religious.  However, many of my friends are religious - and that is fine too.  That is their path to spirituality. You will find what feels right for you - when the time is right.  Little steps again.  For now - I hope that you can find the time to simply read this blog and have an open mind.  This is your recovery we are working towards.  This is an important step to health for you - mentally and physically.

So, my discussion of 'spirituality' will be fun and interesting for you, I hope. Some might even call some concepts and stories 'spooky' or 'mystical'.  Others would say they're life-changing and wonderful.   Well, I would say the latter.  Spirituality did change my life - and it was a part of my own recovery, without relapse, from ED's many years ago. It has also helped me to stay strong, and support my daughter, when she was very ill with an ED.


How will spirituality help you to recover from an ED? 

Spirituality promotes:  trust in a 'higher power' (whatever you imagine that to be); a more positive disposition; greater resilience; self-forgiveness; self-forgetfulness (outward focus - rather than introspective worry and sadness); a sense of peace and certainty; hope; optimism; kindness; compassion (to yourself and others); gratitude for all that you have - rather than envy of others and misery about what is lacking in your life; and a reduction in depression and anxiety.

It will also bring meaning and purpose to your life. You'll get to see the 'bigger picture' of life - and, in doing this, the problems that previously felt 'overwhelming' will seem small and easily managed. You'll understand the journey of life and the wisdom that you accumulate through overcoming adversity and living. A difficult journey, at times, for all of us travelling in life beside you.

Is it hard for you to believe that 'spirituality can improve the quality of your life so much?  Well, it can.  And this is becoming increasingly appreciated in 21st century.

In the majority of Medical schools in the UK and the US (Australia is still in the discussion phase of change currently) - 'spirituality' studies are now part of the curriculum for future doctors.

This inclusion of spirituality, as a part of health care, is based on the results of many studies  which have shown that people who are religious and/or spiritual have better health: social, physical and mental.

One review, for example, published in the journal Explore, in 2011, found that people who identified as having a strong religious and spiritual life enjoyed an 18% reduction in mortality.

A study of Seventh-day Adventists backs this up. It found that men live, on average, 8.9 years longer than the national average, in Australia, while women live 3.6 years longer. For both sexes the chance of dying from cancer or heart disease is reduced by up to 66%.

Programs with a strong spiritual component, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), show that spiritual practices may be especially effective for drug and alcohol addiction.  The regular practice of prayer and meditation is strongly associated with recovery and abstinence from drugs.

The results from several studies indicate that people with strong religious and spiritual beliefs heal faster from surgery, are less anxious and depressed, have lower blood pressure, and cope better with chronic illnesses.

Also, some public schools are also beginning to see 'spirituality' as an important part of the education curriculum for healthy and happy children.

For example, in Australia, a document was released in April 2015, by the NSW Department of Education and Communities - 'Wellbeing framework for school'. The document encourages schools to consider the wellbeing of their students holistically, including fostering what it calls "spiritual wellbeing'. It says:

"Spiritual wellbeing relates to our sense of meaning and purpose.  It can include our connection to culture, religion or community and includes the beliefs, values and ethics we hold."

So, spirituality is not simply the stereotypical idea of: 'New-age 1960's love-children' dancing about in orange kaftans and living in communes.'  Although, for some people, that might be what they want to do.  For most it isn't.  Spirituality has become 'mainstream' in the 21st century.

For most people, spirituality is something which can be easily and enjoyably integrated into one's lifestyle, with or without religion, with huge benefits physically and mentally.  It's also free. 
So, in this blog we'll discuss a few different ways to develop your spirituality and, with that, your recovery from an ED without relapse; and a happy and healthy life as well.

Let me explain, firstly, what the concept of 'spirituality' means.


'Spirituality' defined:

As I've said, religion and spirituality are not the same thing - although they over lap.  Spirituality is broader and harder to define.

Religion is a specific set of organised beliefs and practices, usually shared by a community or a group.

Spirituality is more of an individual practice and has to do with having a sense of peace and purpose.  It also relates to the process of developing beliefs around the meaning of life and connection to others.


Another way to more clearly define spirituality is this:

If our lives were a story of fiction we would write two separate story-lines ('plots'), which our main character would experience: An 'external' plot and an 'internal' plot.  Some people would call these plot lines 'journeys'. So, we have 'external' journeys, and 'internal' journeys.  Spirituality is the internal journey.

I'll use the plot (external and internal) from the movie 'Groundhog Day' to demonstrate.  (It's a great movie if you haven't seen it).

i. External plot line: 

This relates to the stuff which happens in our lives.  It is the situations in which we find ourselves - and how we act - and then how the world reacts back to us.

For example. The Groundhog Day movie:
The main character, Phil,  finds himself stuck in a time-warp.  He cannot move forward in time from a single day: Groundhog Day.  He also can't leave the small town, which has been cut off by a blizzard: The roads are closed, and the phone lines are down. So Phil is stuck, in a single day, for many months - possibly years (the movie isn't clear on this).  But, he's stuck for ages! He tries many things to get out of this situation, but every time he fails - until the very end of the movie.

ii.  Internal plot (spirituality):

This relates to how we change, as people on the 'inside' - as a result of the experiences we have in life (good and bad). This is the wisdom we may or may not gain through our lives.  Our 'internal' , or 'spiritual', journey. 

For example. The Groundhog Day movie:
Phil begins his journey, in the movie, as a  'jerk'.  In fact, that is what he calls himself - a 'jerk': He's selfish, shallow, narcissistic, miserable, lonely, and stuck in a job which he tolerates but doesn't enjoy much. He is also not aware of how truly miserable he is (typical of most fiction stories) - or what he is missing out on in his life.

Yet, as the events in the story 'kick him about' - and he grows emotionally from these awful - and wonderful - experiences.  This is the 'internal plot'.  His 'spiritual'  journey.

If Phil had remained the same shallow and selfish character at the end of the movie - it wouldn't have been nearly as satisfying.

The dramatic events of stories change the characters within them - hopefully for the better.  This is what life does to us, as well. This is our 'spiritual journey'. Life can be really hard and awful sometimes.  It can also be wonderful and amazing at other times.  But, we grow and change as a result of these life experiences. We can accumulate wisdom, and with that we can find happiness and health.

In the Groundhog day story this happens to Phil.  He grows, from his experiences, on the inside.  That is his internal journey - or spiritual growth.  He learns to enjoy his life, and feel grateful for what he has. He becomes humble, loving, patient, helpful, compassionate and content. Spoiler Alert: He also wins the girl, and becomes a great piano player!


So, the 'internal' changes in us, during our lives, is what our 'spirituality' is about.  It's an internal journey - beyond the events which we live through (the external journey).

A quote from Helen Keller (an American author, political activist, and lecturer, and the first deaf/blind person to earn a bachelor of arts degree):

" Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be learned."

I agree with that.  She was a wise woman who overcame her own suffering to live a wonderful and inspiring life.


Someone once said to me: 

'Spirituality sounds like hippy stuff from the 1960's.  If you want something "bigger than yourself" just look up at the night sky. It doesn't get any bigger than that.'

My answer was this: 
'Actually, it gets incredibly bigger than that!

Even without spirituality, research in physics suggests that there are multiple universes, multiple dimensions, and even time is a variable. And, looking smaller, single atoms are made up of particles tinier than we ever imagined.

In this 'bigger picture' - the sky above us becomes less than the keyhole on the door of the largest university ever known.  You see only the keyhole - the sky above you - and call that magnificent. You have no idea of the magnitude beyond that.

Still, 'spirituality' will tell you that, in this massive whole, you remain vital. You are infinitely important and a wonderful part of the whole. It doesn't make you 'perfect'.  But spirituality allows you to be 'human' and learn.  Mistakes are a part of life. They are integral to our learning.  And, during really difficult times, our learning is accelerated.  And, that is a large part of what living is about - for all of us.'


In the area of physics, famous physicist Albert Einstein said this:

"Everyone who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the universe - a spirit vastly superior to that of man, and one in the face of which we, with our modest powers, must feel humble."

And, as a medical doctor myself, with 26 years experience - treating tens of thousands of patients - walking beside them through their most awful experiences, and their most wonderful experiences - I am also convinced of a "spirit vastly superior to that of man", as Einstein puts it. I have have so many medical cases and experiences, in my life, which support this.  (I'll list a few at the end of this blog).

So spirituality is something which can change how you live your life - and how you cope.  You don't have to understand it completely, or agree with it right now; maybe, during a hard time in the future, or as you recover from the ED, you may revisit these words and reconsider the idea again.

But, before I go on to discuss methods to find spirituality in your life, I will write the lovely words of Martin Luther King Junior - which could apply to spirituality and recovery from dark times in our lives:

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate
only love can do that."

Spirituality will bring light and love into your life - and much more than that as well.  The darkness and the self-hate of ED's can be remedied, in part, by introducing a spiritual foundation to your daily life. To lead you out of the dark misery of an ED - into a healthy and happy life with others.  You may not realise it, but other kind people are waiting for you - in your life path ahead.  That is a lovely thing that I found, once I escaped the cold loneliness of my ED:  Lovely friends; and my wonderful soulmate - my husband, David.


How to develop your own spirituality:

Firstly, you'll need to set aside some time for yourself everyday. And, yes - you do have time to do that!  You could make the time by getting out of bed a little earlier, or by watching a little less television. Even 10 − 15 minutes each day will be enough.  Although 20 − 30  minutes would be even better. However, you could build up into this.  Little steps again. 

Spirituality is something which requires you to slow down and be 'in the moment' for a period of time on a regular basis. The point of power is always in the present moment.  That is your goal: To be in the moment:  Not worried about tomorrow, or sad about yesterday.  

So, find some silence - and be as present as you can with everything around you and within you.

And, don't run away from being alone. It is often the only time that you can truly rest - and restore your energy and balance in life. Also, know that you are never completely alone. Other people, other souls, are travelling a journey in life  similar to you.  But, you'll need to disconnect, for a while, from your screens.  Leave yourself nothing to do - but exist in the present - for a little while. Know that beneath the thoughts and rush - is a vast ocean of peace, quiet, answers, and wellbeing.

There are many ways that you can find spirituality in your life: free, available anytime, easy to do, and they won't take you long.  You could use a combination of methods, if you like. Trial and error is a good way to see what works best for you.


In your reflective 'now-time' you could try some of the following activities:

a. Listen to music:  Uplifting music (nothing too 'thrashing' and 'depressing') can feel like it touches your soul.  You might even sing along and think about the lyrics.  Sometimes the words of a song can express ideas and feelings which you'd thought only you understood.  Yet, here they are; written by someone else. Understood by another person.  And, with that, it can feel like a hand has reached out from the music and taken your hand; connected you to other people who are struggling - and experiencing life - like you.

Lyrics are like the poems of the modern day: They can teach, inspire, validate our feelings and experiences, and connect us with other people. And that is something spiritual.

b. Write in a journal:  Spirituality can mean finding answers within yourself.  Journaling is another contemplative practice which can help you to listen to your deeper thoughts and feelings.

Studies have shown that writing during difficult times may help you to find meaning in the problems you face, and help you to become more resilient.   You can try to view events that occur in your life as an opportunity to learn - rather than something to feel sorry for yourself about.  The narrative that you create to explain events - in the bigger picture of your life - can help you to cope and grow. This is a form of spirituality: your inner journey.

Quote from Anne Frank:

"I can shrug off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn."


c. Meditate:  Meditation can induce feelings of calm clear-headedness, as well as improve concentration and attention. Mindfulness meditation, especially, has been proven helpful for people with depression and anxiety, as well as a number of other chronic illnesses.

There are many courses and books and tapes and CD's teaching meditation.  A basic level of meditation is all that's needed to feel the positive effects.  Also, it's not an Olympic sport.  You don't have to be 'great' at it. It is a time of peaceful mindfulness.  A time to step out of all the worry and rush ... and reflect.

The aim of meditation is simply to exist with the sensations, thoughts, and emotions that arise without trying to control them or change them.  Just observe them, in a detached way, and be still. Set yourself a time limit, and don't get up until that time is up.  You might start with 5 minutes, and build up to 20 − 30 minutes gradually.  When you get better at meditating - the experience becomes almost 'timeless'.  Like sleeping.  It will feel like you only just started 5 minutes ago - but 30 minutes will have passed.

(I have included a simple 'mindfulness meditation' to practice, or start with - if you like - at the end of this blog).

d. Pray: Prayer can elicit a sense of relaxation, along with feelings of hope, gratitude, and compassion - all of which have a positive effect on overall wellbeing.  There are several types of prayer, many are based in the belief of in a higher power that has some level of influence over your life.  The belief can provide a sense of comfort and support in difficult times.

e. Practice yoga: This is a centuries old spiritual practice that aims to create a sense of union - between body and soul - through physical postures, ethical behaviours, and breath expansion. The regular practice of yoga has been found to reduce stress, depression, and anxiety; lower blood pressure; and increase feelings of wellbeing.


f.  Read books about spirituality and inspiration:  This is how I became more spiritual. Although, my Catholic upbringing had introduced some ideas about a higher power and souls.  Most book shops have a 'spiritual' section.  This does not mean religion.  I will discuss the way that I became more spiritual, just as an example, later in this blog.

g. Religion:  For some people, spirituality can best be found, and expressed, in an organised religious setting.  If this suits you, then you may develop your spirituality by jointing a church group, a youth group, or other religious group/gathering. 

You could search on-line, look in the phone book, talk to people you know, or walk around your local suburbs and see what community religious centres/churches are available.  You could use a combination of these methods - and finish up by reading about the different religious groups on-line.  That way you could have an idea about whether it would be worth having a look.  If it doesn't suit you - then at least you could cross that idea off your list. 

Alternatively, you could read about your 'religion-of-choice', without attending any church or group.  Practicing your faith through books and private worship/prayer might better suit you.

h. Walks in a natural setting: Feeling at one with the natural world around you - trees, plants, animals, the ocean, rivers, lakes, the open sky above - alone or with other people - can help you to connect with the world, and feel part of a greater whole.  You'll also be able to have some time where you can exist 'in the moment'. And, in this way, you are experiencing a form of meditation. Walking and listening to the birds, and the wind in the trees, and the lapping of waves on the shore - can be a sort of mediation. 

Studies support the importance of getting back to nature: They have shown that taking walks in a natural setting (gardens, parks, forests) can reduce depression; increase our feelings of connectedness to the world and other people; and even make us more caring and ready to share with others.

Research has also shown that when we experience a sense of awe (when admiring a lovely scene) - our perception of time slows down by bringing us into the present moment - and this further enhances our wellbeing.

If you are unable to go outdoors - improvise:  You might ask someone to bring you a bunch of flowers - and you could palpate the soft velvety petals, inhale the gentle fragrance, and marvel at the colours; you could open a window - and feel a soft breeze wash over you, shut your eyes and enjoy the sunshine warming your skin, and watch the pink light from under closed lids,  and listen to the sounds of birds and people in the distance or out in the garden. Nature is always around you somewhere.

(I've written a few blogs about lovely trips into the beautiful bush land and gardens around Adelaide with my family - where I've tried to capture the beauty and vitality of the outdoors.  For example:  Leisure time blog.)

i.  Help others: Studies have shown that helping other people is beneficial to our health and wellbeing:  It can improve our mood, self-esteem, and happiness; reduce our stress; connect us socially to others, distract us from our own problems (allowing us to become less introspective, and providing us with a sense of perspective); engage us in meaningful activities, and improve our skills.

The help you offer can be as small or large as you like:  Smiling at someone, saying something kind or supportive, giving away your seat on a bus to an elderly person or a pregnant woman, helping in a community garden or in an animal shelter.  These activities are all valuable ways to help others. You'll be contributing to a nicer society, and a happier and more connected version of yourself.

Quote:  Mother Teresa:

"Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you. Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."

j. Live healthier:  Taking care of your physical health will complement your spiritual health.  You might smoke less (ideally stop - but little steps), drink less alcohol, eat more vegetables and fruit, take some regular exercise (not to lose weight - but to strengthen your bones, and improve your heart and your brain), get enough sleep (although not too much).  Moderation is the key.  Any improvements that you make to your general health - are steps in the right direction. 

A healthier body will reward you with more energy, less illnesses, less aches and pains (especially as you age), and more self respect.  Respecting your body is a part of the respect that you develop for yourself: body, mind and soul.


So spirituality comes down to:

Living in the moment - at least for some time during the day

Loving and respecting yourself, others, and I would say, something greater than yourself.  In this way you will feel an important part to a larger whole - which you can work to discover more about - by looking 'within' especially (during meditation or quiet walks) - but also by reading, and discussing the concepts with other people.  That will give you something to discuss - away from numbers and calories and misery.  A fascinating topic as well:  The meaning of life.

Spirituality is being able to see beyond just material things and 'appearances'.  It's learning to use our five senses - touch, hearing, smell, taste, and vision - to fully feel the world around us - and more positively interpret the world, and what it all means - from inside ourselves - with more love, calm, reflection, quiet, and peace.


I've read that one way to view spirituality is this: 

The world around us can be viewed as a volatile, difficult, and constantly changing ocean in which we struggle to stay afloat.  In this wild sea, our 'souls' are the safe and secure vessel in which we exist. The deep ocean around us may rage and roar - but within ourselves - where our soul exists - our 'internal' world is calm and safe and unchanging (although we may grow in wisdom). 

When life becomes difficult, or just when we need to rest and restore our energy and our positive mood - this calm and peaceful internal world waits for us.  Always. The pathway into this restorative place - is any one of the spiritual activities discussed.

The first step, however, is simply to become aware that such a place exists.


Don't accept that your life can only exist as it is now.  Allow yourself to open your mind to possibilities of things you've never thought about, or never tried. An open-mind is a very scientific approach to life. Nothing is 'impossible' if it has not been 'proved' to be impossible.  So anything is possible.  Physics is a great example of this.  Imagine the people from 500 years ago being told tales of life in the 21st century.  I think the scientists would have believed the stories - because they would have understood that anything is possible - until proven otherwise.

For now, at least consider the possibility of developing a calm and nurturing spiritual place for yourself in your life.  A place you can find love and self-respect and happiness and peace.




A few little 'spiritual' stories in my own life:


These are a few short examples of spirituality in my life.  Some people would call them 'spooky' stories.  I just think that many of us have experienced similar types of 'happenings' in our lives - where we know that we've been helped - but we don't know by whom or how that happened. 

I think that we probably have 'guardian angels' watching and helping us. Other people may have other views about how we're helped and looked after.  I think, however, spiritual people just accept that we are not all alone; we are always loved and helped - somehow. 

I've also read that it may help to actually ask for help - when you need it:  Prayer, maybe.  I don't think that the prayer needs to be to any particular deity.

Also, I don't think that just because you pray - all of your problems will be solved and fixed.  Some problems and difficult times serve to teach us things:  love, compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, helping. 

Furthermore, I think that we are not only meant to learn how to give these things (to ourselves as well) ; but, we are meant to learn how to accept these things from other people, also:

Let other people love us and help us; and we can love and take good care of ourselves as well.


Let me give a few examples of my own:


1.  Many years ago, when I was 18 years old, and still living at home with my abusive parents, and my younger brother, I found myself slumped on the carpet, of my bedroom, crying after another round of verbal abuse from my parents.

My older sister had been taken away, and put into a foster home, some years earlier - because she persisted in running away from our violent household.  My younger brother made sure that he stayed away from the house as much as possible - so I rarely saw him. He mostly hung out with his friends, or stayed down at the university, studying Engineering in the library. 

Also, he had a bedroom separate from the main house. So, he rarely was in the centre of any major traumas. Unlike, me.  I lived in the main house, I rarely fought back, and I became my parent's punching bag - physically, verbally and emotionally. They also frequently attacked each other, and, as a result of this, the police were often being called to our house.  Even on Christmas day.  Although, eventually I reported my father's violence to the police - and I took him to court where I got a restraining order against him.  That meant that if he hit me again - he risked going to jail.

I'd made the decision, when I began university, to continue to live with my parents - so that I could finish my Medical degree - without the need to have a full-time job to pay for my living expenses.  I'm not sure that I made the right decision.  But as a teenager, it was the decision that I made.

So, on this day, when I was 18, I was crying and sitting alone on the floor of my bedroom - thinking about the situation of my life: 

'No-one in the world loves me', I thought. 

It wasn't a self-pitying thought.  It was a fact.  I had one friend - Jenny.  She had been my best friend since we were 12 years old.  We studied at high-school together. We studied Medicine together. We worked in a weekend job together (at a nursing home). And, we are still best friends to this day. 

But, other than having my friend, Jenny, my siblings were distant and gone;  my parents told me almost daily how much they hated me; I had one elderly aunt - who didn't like me much (when she died she left everything she owned - even her house - to my older sister), no cousins, no uncles … No-one who loved me. 

In the entire world - only one person cared about me at all.  One friend. Now, I see that my friend loved me.  But, at that time, my friend had a loving family, and - compared to her 'wonderful life - my life was lonely and violent and unloving.

As I sat alone: cold, crying, and thinking that no-one in the world loved me - I felt a firm 'arm' around my back.  I can still feel the sensation now, 30 years later.  It felt like an arm holding me.  As if someone was sitting to the left of me, and holding my right upper arm with a gentle but supportive hand. 

Then, as I became aware of this 'touch' sensation around me, I heard a voice.  It was not a quiet voice.  It wasn't a whisper or indistinct. It was the voice of a woman: gentle, kind, but confident and strong.  And, it felt like the  'woman' was sitting next to me - just talking to me - with her arm around my shoulders supporting me. The words spoken were short - but clear.  They did not answer my thought about no-one loving me.  They said something quite separate.  The female voice told me:

 "It won't always be like this.  It will get better."

And that was it.  The words were so clear - and so kind and strong.  The 'arm' around my shoulders felt gentle but firm.  The voice didn't say God loves me.  It didn't need to.  I felt love.  It's like I knew that I was loved in that embrace and with the sweet voice that spoke to me.  Kind and supportive and nurturing. I stopped crying - and I thought about what I heard. I was stunned more than shocked.  I wasn't religious and I wasn't expecting anything like that.  Not an answer, nor a comment, to my sad thought! But, it did remind me that I wasn't alone.  I never felt alone after that.

And nothing like that ever happened again in my life.  I don't really understand why it happened then.  Maybe I was more in need of support than I realised.  Maybe I would have quit medicine without it.  But if I did that - I would never have met my lovely husband - who is my soul mate.  I wouldn't have practiced medicine - and I love helping people.  I think that is my path, and my passion, in life. 

I don't know why it happened.  But it remains one of the most memorable and lovely experiences of my life.


                  *                             *                            *


2.  Fifteen years ago, my childhood friend, Jenny, moved back to her hometown, Adelaide, from a country town on the Eyre Peninsular - where she had been working as a country doctor for many years. 

Her husband travelled alone, in his sedan, earlier in the day of the big move, along with the removal trucks which carried all of their household goods.  Jenny travelled later, in her white station-wagon, with their two young sons - then aged four and two.

During the trip back to Adelaide, while still on the Eyre Peninsular, Jenny encountered a huge dust-storm on the freeway.  Clouds of dirt billowed into the sky - reducing visibility on the road to only few meters.  The other cars had turned on their head lights - but still the blackness consumed everything.

Suddenly, Jenny became aware of a massive pile-up of crashed cars ahead.  She tried to brake, but before she could even begin to slow down, her car was thrown into the mess of broken glass and twisted metal as another vehicle smashed into her rear.  Her car crumpled like an aluminium can - and became wedged front and back.

Jenny had been a doctor for many years - and she knew that she needed to get herself, and her young boys, off the road.  Away from the danger.  Massive semi-trailers continued to charge into the blackness of the dust-storm. Some of the other brave drivers were  risking their own lives to stand on the road - with torches - waving down the trucks:  Warning them of the danger ahead, and protecting the cars and the people in their path.

As Jenny pulled at the rear door of her broken car, trying to get her boys out - and off the road - she became aware that the door wouldn't open.  The frame of the car had become so twisted and distorted that the door wouldn't budge.  She couldn't leave her boys.  Trucks thundered passed her as she pulled and wondered what she could do next. 

Panic began to set in, when all of a sudden, out from the dust, a strong male arm moved Jenny's own hand aside. It gripped the door handle and, in one strong jerk, it pulled the door open. Jenny turned to say thank you to the stranger - but he was walking back to his own car behind hers.  So, she grabbed her boys - and she ran with them to safety.

Jenny is not one to ever worry much -  but she told me later, as she narrated the story to me over coffee numerous times, that she felt very close to death that day.  She said that she felt that she so nearly died with her boys.

Four years passed and Jenny and I continued to meet for coffee every fortnight. The car accident was, by then, almost forgotten, and it was no longer a subject which we ever discussed. However, on this day, we would discuss the accident another time.  For there had been far more to the story than we had realised.

Jenny comes from a religious and musical family.  Her father is an engineer, but he is also a talented singer and a gifted musician.  Over the years he has written a number of religious musicals, which he has performed - with his wife, and some members from his local church - at different parishes around the state of South Australia. 

On this occasion, Jenny's parents had travelled to the Eyre peninsular for a final performance of their last musical concert.  They were getting older and they had decided that  this would be their very last concert.

After the concerts, it had become a tradition that some of the parishioners, from the host churches, would provide a nice supper and have a chat with Jenny's parents, and the other performers of the concerts.  And that is how Jenny's mother came to have a fascinating conversation with a man who had inadvertently met Jenny once before - when he had changed the course of her life.

 The discussion, at the post-concert supper, had begun when someone in the group had suggested that they should all tell how or why they had become religious. Different people gave their different reasons, and finally it came to be the turn of a large, middle-aged man who was wearing a police uniform.  He had a weathered face, and a serious countenance.  He told his story:

'I became religious', he began,' four years ago, this September.  I had never been religious before that. Didn't give it any thought.  I was an alcoholic - back then.  I was lonely and my drink was a way for me to relax. Unwind.  My job as a police-officer is stressful, and I used to think that I needed alcohol to cope.'  

He looked around at the supportive faces watching him; patiently listening.  He continued, 'I would drive around drunk most of the time.  I was still hungover from the night before.  I'd speed too.  My reflexes were pretty shot. Then, one day, I heard a voice.  A man's voice … in my patrol car.  While I'm driving.  The voice … it was clear as day.  It said, "Stop drinking today!" I thought I'd imagined it.  So, I ignored it.  Then again, actually twice more, the same voice … but louder … it said, "Stop drinking! Today!"

He paused to reflect on the experience.  'So I did' he said.  'I stopped drinking that day!  I thought either this voice is in my head - and I'm sicker from the booze than I realise.  Or, this voice is real.  And, for some reason I need to stop drinking, now.  Either way, it was a good reason to stop drinking.  So, I did. And I've not had a single drink of alcohol since that day.'

'Anyway' he said, 'three days later, after I heard the voice, and after I'd stopped drinking - I could feel my reflexes improving; I could slam my foot on the break faster than before.  And I noticed that I was driving more slowly too.  Then, while  I was driving up the freeway,  there was this all-mighty dust storm - with a massive car pile-up happening in it.

But, it was because I wasn't drunk - that I didn't kill the woman in the car ahead of me. I still slammed into her car. I couldn't prevent that. But, if I'd been drunk … I'd have been driving faster ... my reflexes ... not as good. She would have died that day … and I would have died too.

The car I hit was a white station wagon … and this blonde woman - a young woman - she was trying to get her young kids out from the back seat - but her rear door was buckled and she couldn't open it.  Semi's were flying by her.  She couldn't open the door - so I walked over … and I pulled the door open for her.  She got her sons out.  Little boys. And she got them off the freeway.

And, after that, I found religion.'  He finished - and looked about at the silent faces taking in all that he said.

Jenny's mother was the first one to break the silence: 'That young blonde woman - was my daughter - and my grandsons,' she said softly.

Jenny and I sat in silence, over our morning coffee. We let the magnitude of the story settle in our heads.  And the amazing fact that Jenny's mother had met this man!  What's the odds that any of us would find out how close we came to dying.  Jenny never got to thank the man.  But, her mother thanked him at that supper.  

Jenny's religious, I'm spiritual rather than religious - but we share a common belief in 'a higher power beyond just ourselves.' So neither of us was completely 'blown away' by the story.  However, it does make us wonder how many 'coincidences' - which lead to wonderful outcomes, or saved lives - are actually mere coincidences or 'luck'.

Some people say that there are no 'co-incidences' in life.  I wonder.


I can't explain these types of 'coincidences' or 'lucky' survival stories.  So many of them I see - in my work on the front-line of life and death.  Yet, other sad stories I hear about.  Young deaths. 

                                                                                                                                     My own spiritual journey which began six years ago - after the death of my close friend.  At the time, I had great trouble getting over the 'unfairness' of her early death.  I felt overwhelmingly sad, and guilty - for still being alive when she wasn't - after watching her dying - with a terminal brain tumor -  over the previous year. 

Six months after she had died - I couldn't stop myself from crying whenever I thought about her.  And, I thought about her everyday - and many nights as well. I knew the medical term for what I had: 'Pathological grieving'.  After six months - I knew that I should be moving past the grief - and getting back into the game of life. So, realising that I needed help to recover from her death, I had, at time, decided to book myself in to see a psychologist for grief-counselling. I knew that I needed help. 

Soon after I had decided to see a counsellor,  I found myself waiting at the back of a bookshop for my older daughter to buy a novel.  She had not yet developed anorexia nervosa.  That was to start 12 months later - when she turned 13. She was taking what seemed like forever to choose a novel.

As I waited, I absent-mindedly picked up a book off a shelf next to my arm.  I looked at the cover. It was a spiritual book written by a Psychiatrist from Miami, Dr. Brian Weiss. The title of the book was 'Many Lives. Many Masters'.  The cover said it was a New York Times best seller.

If I had been paying attention, and if I wasn't bored waiting for my daughter,  I would never have picked up the book. I am not religious, and I was not particularly spiritual back then, either. So, it was even stranger when I found myself buying the paperback.  I remember, at the time, looking around to see if anyone noticed me purchasing such a 'weird, new-age' book.  I felt a bit embarrassed to be buying it. I saw myself, then, as solely a person of science.  A medical doctor and a sensible mother of four.  Not a hippy 1960's 'flower-child'. However, for some reason, I bought it and, in that one weekend, I read it all.  That is also strange for me.  Normally I take forever to finish a book.

But, on finishing the book,  I was completely cured.  Just like that.  My pathological grieving was gone.  I understood that we all live and we all die.  Our paths are different, in life, and they vary in duration.  We help each other, during our lives, and we learn from each other.  And our soul survives before and after our birth and our death. That is life.

I have never grieved for my friend again.  I remember her often.  Yet, fortunately, I only seem to recall her when she was well.  When we'd sit in the sun and talk and laugh.  When she walked across the road to share a cup of tea with me.  In fact, when I moved house last year, I found some of the tea-bags she kept at my house.  The brand she loved most.  I'll never forget her.  But the lessons I learned from her death - helped me to cope for the three years when my eldest daughter suffered with anorexia.  I prayed to my friend - if you call talking to her about my dear daughter - praying.  And I prayed to God (whatever God is) to keep my daughter safe and to help keep me strong - for my daughter , and my family, and for me. And, I never felt alone through it all.

This reminds me of a quote I read once:

'Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.'

Life is not easy - but we learn from the hard times. We learn wisdom:  Love, compassion, helping, tolerance, forgiveness,  patience … and even about the meaning of life.  This is what spirituality is about:

A safehaven of peace and calm within us - when all about is a wild confusing storm.


                                  *                                       *                              *


                               A Guided Mindfulness meditation

I promised that I would include a meditation guide at the end of this blog.  Although there are many different meditations.  This is just one:  Mindfulness meditation.

Some meditations are very simple ones - which you could do in the car - at the red lights over a few seconds; others you could do at your work desk  - over a few minutes, others might be for a time when you're home and you have less distractions and time pressures.

So, here is just one, as an example:


This guided mindfulness meditation pertains to mindfulness of breath.
Bringing awareness to your breath helps in detaching yourself from the incessant thoughts and emotions running through your mind.
Basics first
    •    Record these instructions in your own voice or ask someone you trust to read them to
    •    you while you meditate. Do it at a slow pace
       
    •    Take a long pause (10-15 seconds) between two paragraphs
        
    •    Begin by sitting in your normal meditation posture - preferably cross legged on the floor, and if that's difficult, sit on a chair with your back and your shoulders straight
       
    •    Alternatively, you could lie down on the floor , but you run the risk of dozing off
       
    •    Take a few deep breaths and calm your body and mind
       
    •    Close your eyes
       
    •    Listen to the directions and follow them 
          
Guided mindfulness meditation script:
 
    1.    Take a long and deep breath into your abdomen and let it fall as you exhale. Continue breathing from your abdomen, and not from your chest.
    2.    Breathe naturally. Do not force yourself into any set pace or rhythm. Whatever the nature of the breath, accept it as it is.
    3.    Scan your body from head to toe and notice any tightness or soreness in any muscle or tissue of the body.
    4.    Breathe into the tightness and soften it. Breathe and let go, so that all the soreness dissolves.
    5.    Become mindful of the movement of breath in the body. Notice the sensations in the abdomen or in the chest, or in both, while breathing.
    6.    Do not be concerned if sounds, emotions, thoughts or past experiences pull your attention away from the breath. Acknowledge their presence, let them be, and let them pass away.
    7.    Without struggling, gently bring your focus back to the breath.  
    8.    Now notice the entire process of the breath - beginning, middle and end of the rising movement and the beginning, middle and end of the falling movement.
    9.    If focusing on the breath leads to claustrophobia or other problems, divert attention from the breath to bodily sensations.
    10.    Meet and greet the experience of breath in an open and accepting manner. In the now.
    11.    One breath. Right here. Right now. Just one breath. Rising… and falling. Rising… and falling.
    12.    If your mind travels to the future or past, notice it as 'thinking,' 'thinking' or 'remembering,' 'remembering,' and bring your mind back to the now. Here and Now. Here and Now. Rising and falling. Rising and falling.
    13.    Rest in the awareness.
    14.    Choose to carry the mindfulness of breath into your daily activities.
    15.    When you are ready, open your eyes and arise.  




                              *                                  *                            *

i. Eating Disorders (Blog 9): Recovery (4) Find your Passion.

In this blog I will discuss an important step in your recovery from an eating disorder (ED):

Finding your passion.

To find your passion is to find your reason to recover. Your passion will inspire you to let go of the ED. It will give your recovery direction and purpose. And, discovering and claiming something you love to do can have a wonderful ripple effect through the rest of your life - leading to all sorts of positive changes:  improved self-esteem, happiness, a break from the ED thoughts and behaviours, friendships, employment, health … and, maybe, other passions later on.

Well known author, Nicholas Sparks wrote:  '

The saddest people I've ever met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there's nothing to make it last.'

I agree with this quote.  Passion is the rocket fuel which drives us to seek out our dreams - and bring them to life. (Obviously, as long as our dreams are achievable and realistic).

In this blog, I will discuss all of these exciting outcomes which result from finding something in your life to be passionate about. We'll discuss how to go about looking for your passion, and, then, getting started with it - even if you have no experience in the activity, and you don't feel particularly 'passionate' about it to begin with.  Simply enjoying 'whatever-you-start-with' is enough at first.  The 'whatever-you-start-with' activity  might even become a stepping stone to your true passion later on. Or, your passion, for the activity, may simply grow as your skills and your interest increase. We'll discuss this.

But, passion for 'something' is an important ingredient for a happy life - for everyone - irrespective of whether or not they have, or have had, an ED.

In life, we all have a need to feel like we matter. We need to feel that our lives hold some meaning, a purpose, and some level of importance. So, finding something that we can do - which provides value to others, resonates with our beliefs and interests, and is supported by our acquired skills - will deepen our enjoyment and engagement in life.

Conversely, having nothing in your life about which you feel passionate will make recovery from an ED more difficult:  Why get better if there is nothing else meaningful, in your life, to do instead? 

And, even if you did manage to recover, without any engaging activities to occupy your time and your thoughts - and to help reduce your depression, anxiety, and low self esteem - you will remain at high risk of relapsing with another ED, or engaging in other ED-associated maladaptive behaviours (as explained in previous blogs) such as:  alcoholism, drug addiction.

So finding yourself a passion is an integral part of a successful, and permanent, recovery from an ED.  It's also really fun and exciting.

Passion-hunting, then, is the purpose of this blog.


'Define passion - before we go searching for one', I hear you say. 

Great idea!  It is always hard to find something - when we are unclear what it is, exactly, we are looking for:

The word 'passion' has been defined as the energy which drives us to persevere; it keeps our lives filled with meaning, and happiness, and excitement.  Passion can motivate us to accomplish almost anything we set our minds to - allowing us to experience work and life to the fullest extent.

Author and philosopher, Howard Thurman said:

'Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.  And then go and do that.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.' 

And that's what finding your passion is about.  It is finding what will make you happy and engaged in life in a wonderful, exciting way. When you discover your passion - you will usually also discover your purpose in life.  A purpose and a path which you want to follow. Or, even, need to follow.

The nature of our passion is unique for each of us.  It is the enjoyable activities which we would do for free - and which we wish that we had even more time to engage in.

And, as I've said, the importance of finding your passion is that finding your passion - means finding yourself a powerful reason to get better! 

Your 'passion' is something which will occupy so much of your thinking, and your energy, that there will be no room left for the ED!  Eventually, the ED - with all it's rules, and negative demands on you, and overwhelming control on your thoughts - will fade away.  You will want the object of your passion more than the ED.  Faced with a choice of the ED or  your passion - you will choose your passion. 

Also, any moment that you can spend focusing on something or someone else is a moment in which the ED, and its associated depressing and anxious thoughts, can't get your attention.

This may seem like a million miles away for you right now.  You very likely have absolutely no idea about what your passion is.  You may not believe me that this will be an integral part of your recovery.  But, trust me.  This is the first step.  The necessary 'first step' to get you where you will find your path to happiness and meaning in your life.  All little steps - to recovery.

In my own life, I escaped from my ED by taking up my life-long 'passion-of-choice':  Study; doing well at school, and focusing on learning new things.  Curiosity in the world and people became my passion.  And, as my passion to learn and study increased, my ED became less important to me.  Increasingly, I began to define myself by my new obsession: Learning things.  And, as my study-skills grew, I realised that I could use these skills to learn almost anything I wanted. More doors began to open in my life.  New and exciting possibilities presented themselves to me.  My self esteem improved, with each of my accomplishments, and my mood lifted as my focus on life became less introspective.

My ED was being increasingly pushed to one side - as study, and my academic goals, consumed more of my thoughts. Furthermore, I became increasingly annoyed that my anorexia was hindering my study ambitions - because my constant hunger, and my endless thoughts about food were interrupting my study-time and my sleep. So, finally, at the beginning of year 11, aged 16,  I decided to stop the ED behaviour altogether.

No longer would I weigh myself, or limit my food intake.  I decided to ignore my weight, eat meals with my family again - and put all my focus and energy into doing well at school. I was competitive, and my new passion was study and grades. I  no longer valued being the thinnest person in a room - or the school. If my mind turned to worry about weight or eating, I would see the word 'STOP' in my head.  And I would replace the thought with more study, a walk, television, music - or some other form of distraction.  But I refused to engage in the ED behaviours. My one goal and passion was study and achieving good grades.  My new mantra became: 'I will NEVER diet again!'  Actually, even now, 30 years later, that remains my mantra.

Eventually, my study-passion led to my life path - Medicine.  While working in a  medical career, I met many lovely people: colleagues, patients, and friends.   I also met my soul-mate and best friend: my husband, David.  And, that led on to my next passion and life path: marriage and motherhood.  Eventually another passion came along: writing.  Actually, there were probably a few other passions in between, as well. Passions do that.  They can change over the years - and they introduce you to all sorts of lovely experiences, interesting people, and often a rewarding career. They can lead you to your life path.  And that life path can be an exciting journey. Not necessarily an easy journey.  But a rewarding, enjoyable, and interesting one.


Another example of how finding a passion can lead to recovery from an ED involves the teenage daughter of a friend of mine. (For this discussion, I'll call my friend's daughter Emily). 

Emily had suffered with anorexia nervosa over many years. Before the illness, she had loved sports and she had numerous friends.  However, since the onset of the ED, her life had become a miserable stagnation - revolving around numbers, weight, calories, sit-ups, depression, anxiety, and isolation. 

One day, Emily's mother had an idea.  She remembered that her daughter used to love competing in sports. (This is typical of many ED sufferers - who are often quite competitive). So, she suggested to Emily that she might like to train for a triathlon. 

This might seem counter-intuitive for an ED sufferer - weak and wasted from the illness - to engage in hours of strenuous calorie-burning exercises each day.  However, Emily's mother's suggestion was to start slowly - one tiny step at a time.  But, with each small step, she hoped that Emily would re-build the passion she once had for sport. 

Emily was wasted and weak, after suffering with the ED for years, so initially her efforts involved short walks with her mother.  Together they gradually increased the distance walked, then swum, and eventually ridden on their bikes.  With each step conquered Emily's motivation to continue, and go further, increased.  Her self esteem returned and her mood lifted - as her focus shifted from introspection to the world around her: people and events.  She also got to enjoy the outdoors during her training: the sunshine, the breeze in her hair, the colours and perfume of flowers, the shade under trees, birds.

Emily's focus, with her exercise, was not on losing weight, but on building up her fitness to be competitive in races.  Her passion for sport was returning and growing the more she trained.  Eventually, she also found herself mixing with other young people, similarly training for triathlons.  Socialising was now easier for Emily because she had something to talk with them about:  their shared passion for athletics.

Finally, like me with study, Emily was confronted with a choice:  She could engage in her passion to the highest level of her abilities - which would mean stopping the ED entirely - or she could continue with the ED, resign herself to a significantly lower level sports achievement, or quit sports altogether.  She couldn't do both - as well as she wanted to. 

So, like me, Emily chose her passion (sport) over her ED.  And, she stopped the ED behaviour completely. Her weight returned to a healthy range (BMI: 19 − 25), and she never relapsed again with the ED. She didn't need the ED anymore.  She had found more than enough reward and happiness in her sporting achievements. And, her anxiety and depression had markedly improved,  after engaging in her passion. The ED no longer held any appeal or purpose.

Emily recovered from her ED many years ago, like me. And, since then, she has never relapsed.  Her initially passion (sports) led her onto her life path, and, later, with new passions - new life paths followed.  Emily found for herself a life filled with health, happiness, friendships, a rewarding career,  in a meaningful life filled with purpose and passion. Passion can do that for you. It did the same for me.


Life is meant to be enjoyable.  Sure, not all the time, but every day some happiness can be found - if you know 'how' to look at things. And, life can be seen as a journey. A journey with goals, purpose, excitement, and happiness.  Passion is the energy which powers that journey.

And that is what I will discuss in this blog. Although, remember that we take tiny steps to get there.  As the famous proverb states:

Every journey of a thousand miles … begins with a single step.

However, this step, in your recovery from the ED, is one of the most fun, and inspiring, and effective steps. This step will lead you into a happier life path. Wait and see.


So how  do you begin to look for your passion?

Great question!  I'm glad you asked.  Let's go Passion-hunting!


1. Start today - and be 'open to ideas'.

Start today. Tiny steps - but steps none-the-less. 

You might start by creating just a short list of 'possible passion ideas' - a  few words on a page.  You might open a phone book, or use Google, on your computer, to check out local clubs which you might join or look into: hobbies, sports, recreational activities, volunteer groups.  Consider the activities in which you were engaged before the ED.  That might be a place to start. But DO something today.

It's been said that a writer writes.  If you want to write - write.  This concept can be universally applied to anything you wish to do. Do it.

You'll rarely be absolutely sure that what you start will work out.  But you can always be absolutely sure that doing nothing - won't work. Sometimes you have to just go for it.  As the Nike ad says:  Just do it!  Many things are like that in life.  Take a leap of faith.  Even if that that 'leap' begins as 'a tiny step'.

The key, however, is to get started.  You may not feel motivated yet, and you may not expect to enjoy yourself in the activities you choose to start with. Yet, it will be enough , at first, to simply occupy your mind on something OTHER than the ED, and the associated perfectionism, depression, and anxious thoughts.


2.  Rediscover your 'authentic self':  What did you enjoy doing as a child or teenager?

 It has been said: 

Work for a cause, not applause.  Live a life to express, not  impress.

Do what you want to do.  If no-one was watching and you would never be judged - what would you do?  It doesn't matter how practical it is, if it will earn you an income, or if it seems 'cool'.

What did you enjoy doing as a child?  As children we often lived more authentically.  We were less interested in what the rest of the world thought of us back then.  Those were the things we often did just for the joy of doing them.  We didn't worry whether or not we did them well. We lived in the moment.  The 'timeless' right brain.  Less logical than the left brain.  Less constrained.  More creative.

Brainstorm ideas.  Write down things you loved to do - before the ED.  Write down things which you used to dream of doing: travel, designing clothes, painting, playing a musical instrument, writing fiction of non-fiction or poetry, creating a beautiful garden, helping other people.  It doesn't matter that you have had no experience in those activities, or that you are afraid that you might not be any good at them. That doesn't matter a hoot!

Don't just look at the things that you have a natural aptitude for - but don't enjoy.  Dream of the things that you might simple 'love' to do.  Regardless of anything else.
And, don't stop to consider whether any of it is possible.  Just imagine - and write that down.  We can deal with details later.



3. What have you been told that you are good at?

People usually mean the compliments they make.  Psychology studies support this.   If people like something - they will often say so.  If people don't like something - they usually say nothing at all; or they might answer evasively.  For example, if you ask someone if they like your dress, but they hate it - they'll likely answer evasively: 'Well, it's a lovely colour'; or 'the fabric's beautiful';  or, 'It's modern'. 

So, if people spontaneously have told you that you do something well - they will usually mean it.  And, if more than one person has commented on your skills in an area - then it is very likely true that you are talented in this activity.

This may inspire you to embrace this activity, and develop your interest/talent more.  Passion, for the craft, may follow from developing mastery of the activity.  Or, starting the activity may lead you on to something else -  possibly related - which you enjoy and can develop as a passion.

But again note that you don't have to be naturally good at something to enjoy it, and to engage in it passionately.  You also don't need to make any money from your passion.  Furthermore, most crafts take 10,000 hours to master: musical instrument, writing, painting.  And, any artist, who is a master of his or her craft, and who tells you  otherwise (ie. that their talent is all natural with no effort and little practice) is a liar. Many psychology studies support this. Fact.

Skill comes with practice - which is driven by passion - which builds up as you practice. The 'passion' is the love of it.  Trial and error will find you your passion.


4. Is there anyone you envy, or who 'annoys' you?

We tend to envy people who are doing things which we wish we could do.

For example, if someone you knows spends a lot of their time travelling, or writing, or playing a guitar - and that annoys you: 'Why are they not suffering like the rest of us - miserable?' you might ask yourself.  A better question might be: 'Would I like to do that … travel, write, play the guitar?'

Envy is a great emotion to be aware of.  It is often our subconscious telling us that 'this' is what we'd love to do.  Listen.  Write down how you feel and what you envy - next time you feel this emotion.  And, give it some thought.  Don't reject it as ridiculous.  Think about it over a few days.


5. Take notice of the activities in which you lose track of time and  you hate to stop.

What would you love to spend hours doing? What activities do you feel that you never get enough time to do all they you wish you could?

Think back - before the ED.  Or, imagine that you've just won the lottery and you are free to do whatever you want to with no limits of time or money.

Even if some things you imagine are beyond your budget, or seem impossible - imagine how they make you feel.  For example, if winning the lottery would mean that you could travel the world - how would you feel?  Excited to meet new people?  Excited to experience new places and cultures?  Excited to climb mountains and experience beautiful vistas? 

Well, in your current life (without a lottery win) how could you experience those same feelings and similar experiences?  Go hiking locally?  Join a walking group?  I have an 80 year old female patient who runs up a local waterfall mountainside every Tuesday - with her walking group. And, yes, she 'runs' it!  She puts me to shame - almost twice my age!  She also does 20km hikes from country townships, around Adelaide, down into the city.  And she is so happy and fit.  She's a retired PE (physical education) teacher. She also has the physique of someone less than half her age. She bounds out into the corridor after visiting me, calling out a cheery 'See ya!'

Or that dream of travel might mean that you really wish to travel.  Maybe you could set a goal of opening a savings account and taking weekend trips to other cities every few months.  You could also explore other places to visit on-line, or in books.  Maybe you could study other cultures, learn to cook dishes from other cultures (my mother did this - and then she arranged dinner parties with a different national theme - every couple of months), or you could learn different cultural dances - Spanish, Irish … you get the point.

And, if doing that activity doesn't blow your hair back - then you will have still learned something, developed some skills, met some new people, and possibly found something along your travels which you do enjoy.

Trial and error may be necessary to find your passion.  Tick these things off your list as you go.

By the way, studies have shown that simply trying new things and ticking things off a 'to-do list'  - both increase the dopamine levels in your brain (I'll discuss that later in this blog)-  which increases your level of contentment, happiness and motivates you to keep going.


6.  Slow down and think: Meditation and other 'in-the-moment' activities.

Life, for many people has become a very busy place filled with noise.  We get out of bed and from that moment until we get back into bed, at the end of the day, we have given ourselves little time to truly think, or acknowledge our feelings.

We do most of the activities in our lives automatically.  This means that we don't have to actively 'think' about how to do them: dressing, making meals, driving our cars, doing our jobs - career, housework, study.  But that is what our lives become:  Unthinking and automatic.

And, when we're not engaged in these 'automatic-activities', we fill our recreation-time with noise:  televisions, radios, computer screens, I-pods, reading.

In fact, it has been found that our brains can deal with about 110 bits of information per second.  That may seem like a lot - but simple daily tasks take quite a lot of information to perform them.  Even decoding speech takes about 60 bits of information per second, which is why it's hard to focus on other things much - while having a conversation - or listening to other people talk.

Our ancestors would have had a lot of time to think in a quiet environment:  walking miles home from work, or school, or the local village - along peaceful country roads; sitting by the fire-side  in the evenings - staring into the flames; fishing from a riverbank or a jetty for hours - watching nature all around.

These are the types of activities when we can hear ourselves think.  During these quiet activities we can reflect more deeply on how we feel, and what we might like to do in our lives.

And we need to be able to slow down and think and feel and listen our thoughts - for a period of time every day.  Even 20 minutes each day would help:  walking in our garden or to a local park' sitting quietly watching the clouds drift by, engaging in yoga or meditation.

During these reflective times let your mind stay in the present.  Focus on the clouds, or a flame (candle or fireplace), or the leaves on the trees fluttering in the breeze.  Any thoughts away from the moment - observe them - but let them drift past you.  Feel your breathing and your limbs and your clothes on your skin and exist for now only.  No regrets, no worries ... now.

And, around this time pose a question to your self:  What do I enjoy?  What do I love to do? 

Our subconscious often knows the answers to many of our questions about our lives.  Some answers rise to the surface during dreams - often disguised by symbolism - rather than words.

Difficult questions will be answered usually by posing a question - and letting our mind dwell on it for a period of time: days or weeks even.  Don't force the answer.  Often the answer - or ideas - will come while we're doing other things.  Maybe during these quiet reflective times.

Either way, some quiet 'in the moment' time each day is really good for us. Amongst other things, it can increase our dopamine levels - which helps us with motivation, memory, cognition, attention, sleep, positive mood, learning and pleasure.


7. Start a journal.

Consider writing a daily journal. It's a great thing to do on many levels. However, include none of the following: calories, weights, negative self-talk , and other ED-rubbish!

No, this journal is to help you to find your passion.  This is your little sanctuary - safe from the ED - and all the negative self-talk.  The old free you will fly and laugh and light a little happy-fire here - to light up your soul - and build hope for a bright future.

I did this and it's great.

In this journal - write a few sentences (or more if you want to) each evening about the 'positive things' which happened during the day. Positive things might include:

- a lovely visual experience: a description of a lovely sunset or sunrise; a lovely landscape; a beautiful flower, or tree, or garden.  Preferably something natural. Natural beauty can be relaxing and inspiring.  You'll feel a part of nature again.

- a pleasant feeling experienced:  (happiness, excitement, inspiration, relaxation, bliss).  Maybe it was a a kind word spoken to you; a kind word or funny joke spoken to someone else but witnessed by you (those events can be really uplifting); a lovely warm bath; a cool breeze which tossed your hair about; a funny story you read or saw on television, a beautiful art work; an enjoyable swim.
Write how you felt.  Only positive feelings and experiences in this diary though.

If you need to write about frustrations and worries - have a separate diary for that.

- a pleasant scent:  coffee, flowers, freshly mown lawn, freshly baked bread, crisp clear air, perfume, soap.

- an experience where you became lost in the activity, in a happy and fun way, and would have loved to continue - but you had to stop: knitting,  writing, painting, watching clouds, listening to music, patting your cat, gardening, walking in a park, swimming.

- Something that inspired you:  words, imagery - photos/paintings, music, kindness of others, bravery of others, selflessness of others, humor - of others, beauty and power of nature around you - wind, waves, majesty of a huge tree, flock of birds.
Hint:  I can find inspiration in the world at least once per day.  It makes me feel so happy to be a live and living amongst brave and kind people. (Obviously not all of them.  But, so many people are inspiring, I find. Even some long dead - who have left beautiful poetry or paintings or gardens or architecture as their legacy).

- Ideas, that come to you during the day, for 'new' things to try - which might be fun, or challenging.   And, if you tried them, write at least one positive thing about the experience. 


Then, at the end of each week - look back over all of the enjoyable experiences you've had.  This is a nice thing to do - as it will help you to begin the habit of focusing outwardly - beyond your own worries and sadness.  It will also lift your mood, as you'll become mindful of how many lovely things occur each day for all of us; not big things, often - but lovely and frequent daily events. And, you might notice the things which you found particularly interesting and enjoyable. 

These things can guide you to possible 'future-passions':

For example, if you enjoyed sitting in the garden during the week, or over the past few weeks, you might consider engaging in a little weeding each day; buying some seedlings or plants from the nursery - which you could nurture and watch grow and flower; reading about the plants which might grow well in your yard - or even on your windowsill; reviewing local gardening groups - or walking groups on-line.  A friend of mine gardens regularly in a local Community  Garden - as one of the volunteers (Mount barker Community garden in Adelaide).

The key is starting with an idea, taking tiny regular steps, not expecting to love the activity immediately - simply look to see if it brings some joy into your life - away from the ED.  Away from numbers and introspection.  Maybe some activity which has you looking forward to spending some time doing it each day - or even once each week, initially.

And, then, write down what you did, anything you enjoyed about it, short-term goals for the next few days (maybe to weed an entire patch of ground, or plant more seedlings, or read up on something), then tick those things off as you go. Maybe, later, if all is going well, you could jot down some medium and long term goals for your new interest.  But, at first - little steps and short term goals are fine.

This will all motivate you to continue, and your interest will increase as you venture on, and as you see the results of your work. Also, getting outside, for any of the activities, will help your mood.  Sunshine, fresh air, nature around you - all less stifling, and suffocatingly 'comfortable' than sitting indoors - which encourages more introspection.

The same approach could be used for any activity you try - arts, crafts, sports, and so on. Write down how the activities went, at the end of each day, and some ideas for future activities or goals.

Also, if you're not sure which activity to start with, on reviewing your journal, just pick a random couple of activities - then toss a coin.  This is a great way to work out which one you'd prefer to do - as you'll find yourself secretly hoping for one or the other - as the coin lands. Our subconscious often knows a lot more about our secret desires than we realise.


Note: 

* Activities which allow physical signs of progress - can be very gratifying and motivating - especially as you see the results of your work.  Also, activities which are creative can allow you to channel some of your feelings, and frustrations, outward - which can be a great stress reliever.
- For example:  knitting, sewing, drawing/painting, scrap-booking, crafts, woodwork (my mother joined a woodwork class in TAFE (adult education classes) - and she built a coffee table, and an ornate book-case, and a few other great pieces or furniture - when she was in her 30's and 40's).

* Taking care of living things - which depend on you - can help you feel more connected, to the world and your community, and more valuable.
- For example:  caring for a pet, volunteering in an animal shelter, baby-sitting, gardening.

The depression and anxiety associated with ED's can make sufferers feel unimportant, or even worthless.  You may feel that what you do has no impact on the world.  To counter these feelings - reaching out to positively affect living things around you can be especially rewarding.
  
*  Join a group: If you're having trouble self-motivating, you could join a group that shares your interest. Being with other people can alleviate feelings of loneliness, but it can also help you to stay motivated and focused on your goals.
- For example: community groups, church groups, book clubs, sports teams, volunteer organisations (ie. local habitat groups, Salvation army helpers, local library).

* Fix something: Activities which require constant use of your hands fuel creativity and motivation - along with producing tangible progress.
- For example: Learn to do some of your own plumbing, learn some home renovation, look up your local TAFE (adult education guide books) for courses on repairs which you would love to self-sufficient doing.

* Exercise-related passions.  These have the advantage of often getting you outdoors and mixing with other people - without needing to engage in much small talk.  Also, the exercise itself can release chemicals in your body which help you to feel happier - and which motivate you to continue: endorphins, seretonin, and dopamine.
- For example:  Tai chi, Judo, karate, walking groups, tennis groups (beginners if necessary), swimming groups or aqua-aerobics.

*  Do your hobbies/passions for fun and enjoyment - not for grades or applause:  This is NOT something which you need to be great at. This is for fun.  It is something which you do for the sake of it - because it's rewarding and enjoyable. You do it for yourself.  You just do it.  Not judge it all. Mastery might come - but that doesn't matter.  That is not what this is about. 

Passion will motivate you to practice, and with practice will come skill and, possibly, mastery.  As I've mentioned earlier, psychologists say that mastery of any craft requires around 10,000 hours of practice.  So, it's normal to start off knowing nothing and being a bit rubbish at a new craft.  Expect to feel like an amateur - but enjoy the path to gaining skills. That's the thrill and joy of it.    



What if you don't feel motivated to start a hobby or look for a passion?

You start anyway.  Don't wait to feel ready.  You might never feel ready.  Feeling motivated will almost certainly happen - after you begin, and when you've become more engaged in the activity - acquired some skill, produced something tangible, and developed some interest in the activity resulting from the knowledge you've acquired.

So, initially, before you feel motivated, you might need to simply rely on some good old fashioned determination and perseverence, and follow the Nike advertising advice:  Just do it! 

When I was younger, I used to go running every day.  I found running helped my general anxiety, and I enjoyed starting each day with a  20 minute run.  I called it my 'thinking' time.

However, on most cold mornings I didn't feel like going out running.  I didn't want to leave my cosy bed.  Yet, as I debated whether or not I'd go for a run - I would 'just do it'.  I'd jump out of bed, throw on my running gear, head out the back door and onto the footpath - and then I'd start enjoying myself.  Then I'd be glad I didn't give in to my inertia and excuses. I would ignore the deabat about going or not - as I just did it.  Regardless. I think most sports people could relate to this.

Also, I'm not surprised that, after suffering with an ED for many months, or even years, you have lost your confidence; your self-esteem is very low; you feel depressed and anxious; you're uncertain about whether you want to let go of the ED - a devil you know - as opposed to  'the new unknown'; and you have lost some of your social skills - since many of your old friends have moved on in their lives - leaving you back in the isolated loneliness of the ED.

I've been there.  I know exactly how you feel.  My daughter has been there, too.  I saw her experiencing all those emotions and worries, too. These feeling with gradually disappear - after you start - and over time.  You'll need to be patient (a blog to follow will discuss that topic).


How does engaging in a hobby/passion increase your motivation to continue and persevere?

As we've discussed, beginning to do something new can be slow, hesitant, interrupted and challenged with lost interest and focus.  Yet, after you engage in the activity - your motivation and focus will almost always increase.

How? you ask.

Well, it's related to a chemical called 'dopamine' - which I've already mentioned in this blog.

There are about 86 billion neurons in the human brain, and they communicate with each other via brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. Dopamine is one of the neurotransmitters.

Dopamine has been called the 'motivation molecule'. It  nudges us into doing stuff.  It's the main reason that we can focus and achieve great things - even if the rewards are not immediate or obvious. 

Dopamine also gives us the 'I did it!' thrill - when we accomplish what we set out to do. It makes us competitive, and it gives us that exciting sense of anticipation as we chase our dreams or passions:  business, sport, love.

Dopamine is associated with the 'pleasure-reward' system. Although, more specifically, it is associated with the 'motivating us to seek rewards' system.  But, once we do achieve our goals - dopamine rewards us with great feeling of pleasure: enjoyment, bliss and even euphoria. 

Some people have higher levels of dopamine than others - and they tend to be the more highly motivated 'go-getters' in society. 

Other people have low levels of dopamine, and they tend to lack a zest for life.  They show low energy levels and low motivation; they often rely on caffeine, sugar, and other stimulants to get through the day.

Dopamine deficient lab mice become so apathetic and lethargic that they lack the motivation to even seek out food, and they starve to death.


Yet, the good news is that the levels of dopamine in your brain can be increased quite easily - in a number of healthy ways:

1.The first way is to engage in new activities:

Dopamine is triggered when we find something new and exciting in front of us. 
This is hardwired into our brains - to appreciate, and seek out 'new' things and experiences.

So, simply engaging in a new activity or hobby - can itself spark an increase in dopamine - which then motivates you to investigate the topic further - which then increases your dopamine more …  which motivates you to seek out new aspects or lessons in your hobby/activity … which boosts your dopamine again… and on and on it goes.  Meanwhile you're learning new skills, and enjoying the dopamine-thrills along the way - and gaining more motivation and energy to keep going.  Even when you may not have felt like doing the activity before you started.


2. Break a large goal up into very small steps (smaller goals):

Dopamine is released after you finish something, whether it's a big job, or a small task.

So, it follows that to get more dopamine surges - which will increase your motivation and focus - if your break a big project/goal into small steps.

Also, if you list those tasks down (maybe your plans for the day's work) you'll boost your dopamine even more.  Apparently, it is more satisfying, dopamine-wise, to physically tick each step off a list as it's achieved.

So, you will be more likely to stay motivated and focused if you have both short term goals, and long term goals, as well as a few 'in-between' term goals - for any big project you do.  Without the small steps to achieve along the way - you're much more likely to become frustrated and give up.

And, that is how we approach both hobbies, passions, and overcoming your ED:

Leap in and get started - motivated or not.  Then tiny achievable steps - and a clear goal of where you're going.  The joy, and motivation to continue, will grow as you attain each small goal along the way.  You'll also continually improve your confidence and self-esteem.


Other activities which can increase dopamine levels (and associated energy levels and motivation):

3. Meditation:
Dopamine increases with meditation.  Thousands of studies have examined the benefits of meditation - and it has been found to also increase our ability to learn, increase our creativity, help us relax, and even lengthen our telemeres - which slows the rate at which we age.

I'll discuss meditation more, and give a few examples of simple ones, in my next blog (blog 10) in this ED series.

4. Exercise:
Physical exercise is one of the best things you can do for your brain. 

Exercise boosts your levels of dopamine, and other 'feel good' neurotransmitters (seretonin, endorphins).

Exercise doesn't need to be strenuous to enhance your brain: walks, yoga, tai-chi - provide powerful mind-body benefits.

5. Music:

Listening to music causes a release of dopamine.  Even anticipating listening to music can increase dopamine.

So, maybe find some music you like to play while you engage in your hobby.  Or engage in music as a hobby.  It's never too late!

6. Dopamine enhancing foods:

Tyrosine is the building block for dopamine.  So, consuming foods which contain tyrosine can increase your brain levels of dopamine.

Some of these dopamine enhancing foods include:  almonds, avocados, bananas, beef, chicken, chocolate, coffee, eggs, green tea, mild, watermelon, yogurt.

Sugar has also been found to boost dopamine, but this is only a temporary boost - more 'drug-like' than 'food-like'.



Finally, what is this thing called 'flow' which artists, and others who engage in their passions, describe as the reason that they lose track of the time -  and they enter a state of bliss and timelessness - while engaging their craft?

Another good question.  And the final topic to discuss with regards to finding a passion for you.

A 'flow' experience is when an individual, performing an activity, is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement, and enjoyment of the process of the activity.

The hallmark of flow, also known as 'being in the zone', or 'in the groove' (in music), is a feeling of spontaneous joy - with deep focus on nothing but the activity - not even oneself (hunger, thirst, and even sleep is forgotten), other people, distractions, one's emotions, or even time. Hours might go by, while engaged in the flow state, and the individual will not be aware of the time lapse.

Studies have also shown changes in the physiology of individuals, while engaged in a 'flow state'.  Their heart rate and blood pressure falls; their facial muscles relax; and the quality of their performance improves as opposed to when they're not experiencing 'flow'.

Flow is a wonderful experience.  I've experienced it many times, myself.  For me I've experienced it while writing an entire 15 page short story (in one sitting) - then I'll realise it's four o'clock in the morning, I'm hungry and thirsty and really tired - but I don't want to stop.  I'm lost in my art.  My husband often experiences a similar state while playing blues guitar for hours.  I'll storm into his study and tell him it's dinner time, dark outside - and he's been playing for hours.  He's not been aware - but he's so happy and engrossed in his music. 

The study of 'flow' occurred mostly in the 1980's and 1990's.  A psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term - although the concept of 'flow' had been know for millennia, practitioners of eastern religions have practiced the discipline of overcoming the separateness of self and object - feeling 'one' with what you're engaged doing - as a central feature of spiritual development.


So the 'flow' concept relates to being 'at one' with things, or being 'completely immersed' in an activity - resulting in a timeless joyful experience.

For 'flow' to occur, the activity requires: clear goals; specific skills (which you learn and practice); challenge which stretches your abilities - but is neither too hard, nor too easy - so it stretches you to improve; and immediate feedback (you can see how well you're doing).

And this is one of the wonderful joys is mastering a craft.  This is why some artists become so 'addicted' and 'lost' in their activities.  And, you can enjoy this too. It's so much fun. And rewarding - as it will pull you along - to keep improving at your craft.

In fact, the reason psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term 'flow' for this phenomenon - was because when he interviewed different people, in 1975, about how they felt during this mental state - they often used the metaphor of a 'water current carrying them along'. 


Summary:

This has been a long blog - as 'finding your passion' is a wonderful topic to discuss - with many aspects to consider, and many reasons to see it as an integral part of your recovery from an ED.

Finding your passion (or more than one passion) can bring many rewards:

- It can break to cycle of rumination and give you goals, purpose and meaning in your life.  And with this, it can reduce introspection, and improve life satisfaction and happiness for you.

- It can bring you to a state of 'mindfulness' - where you can exist 'in the moment' - not miserable about the past, and worried about the future.  And with this, you can find peace and contentment.

- Activities which you enjoy and feel passionate about can increase the helpful chemicals in your brain - which help to energise you, motivate you to do things, help your mood become more positive and less anxious, improve your memory, sleep, cognition, and focus.

- Activities you love can give you something to talk about - with family and friends.  This will help you to re-establish more positive relationships with other people.And, engaging in the hobbies/activities themselves, can bring you into the paths of other people - and help to reconnect you with others again.

- Finding your passion can help to improve your self-esteem, and your sense of self-worth and value again - as you see your skills improve, and you begin to master your craft or interest. And, you might be able to share your skills with others - and help them, possibly.

- Hobbies can help you to practice problem-solving skills - which you can use in other areas of your life, or, to deal with stresses and problems in the future. Both the skills, and the positive mindset we establish - in sports or crafts -  can  be used in the bigger picture of our lives, and help us to anticipate, and work towards, more positive outcomes. 



* Finally, if you don't find yourself immediately drawn to an activity - relax.  You could just try something new, or give it a couple of months.  Some hobbies, and activities get more enjoyable as we learn skills and make progress.


*And, never wish that you had uncovered your passion sooner, as the passion you discover today is not what you might have liked five or ten years ago.  The knowledge that you have acquired, over this time, is what will allow you to recognise the 'right' activity, or craft, when it comes along.


Proverb: A journey of one thousand miles begins with a single step.

Take a step today.  Even a tiny step.  That still counts.  Well done.  Tick it off your list.

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