f. Eating Disorders (blog 6) : Recovery (1): A choice.

This is the sixth blog in my series discussing Eating Disorders(ED's).

And, in this blog, I will discuss recovery.

I would implore you to keep reading - even if you don't yet feel ready to recover from your ED.  You may not even be convinced that you have an ED.  You may still feel that your eating and weight control behaviour is just a little 'unusual' or 'disordered' - rather than it constituting an actual 'Eating Disorder'.

However, simply reading what I have to say, for now, might at least allow you to consider how recovery from any disordered eating, or frank ED's, would be possible - and what the process of recovery might look like. And then, if at some time in the future, you feel ready to reconsider changing your eating habits, then you could revisit these blogs - already aware of the main principles involved.

And, in the meantime, some of the ideas that I discuss here might give you something to think about.  Just to consider.  You might give thought to how happy (or unhappy) you are, currently, with the way things are in your life. 

You might begin to consider what your life would be like free from:  scales, calories, numbers, feeling inadequate about your weight and your body shape, feeling 'fat'  or 'out of control',  and feeling isolated, lonely and miserable.

Imagine a life free from all of that. 

Just for a moment - let go of your fear  about living without the ED - and just imagine it:   

- A life free from any judgement about your eating habits, your weight and your body shape.
- A life where other people accept you - for just being you.  And you accept yourself regardless of your weight and how you eat and what you look like.
- A life where you can live authentically - doing what you truly love to do - and being your 'real' self - without  seeking approval from anyone. 
- A life where you see yourself  as a soul  (your 'self' ) with a body, rather than existing purely as a body  … and nothing more.
- A life where no-one expected you to be 'perfect'. And they still loved you and accepted you - average and all.

Imagine it ...

Imagine a life free from fear  - which likely dominates your life right now: 

- Fear of not being good enough. 
- Fear of failure. 
- Fear of rejection by others - and yourself. 
- Fear of becoming 'fat' and therefore, to you, less worthy as a human.

Your life is likely to be shaped, if you suffer from an ED, by fear of many things, from which you constantly struggle to escape.

Imagine a life inspired by love:  

- A love of yourself - as a valuable and lovable person. 
- A love of your goals.
- A love of your career.
- A  love of your family and friends.
- A love of food, and coffee, and wonderful gardens, and art, and stories, and beautiful sunsets, and warm hugs …

Imagine a life inspired by love - rather than a life driven by fear.

You may start to remember, as you imagine all of these things,  how life was for you before weight and body shape and calories and driven-exercise became a major source of stress and misery and exhaustion for you - and the centre of your existence.

You may remember when you were a child, possibly, and life was then more often about living in the moment:  Focusing outwards - on things around you in the world - and feeling excited and happy - rather than constantly focusing inwards and feeling inadequate and isolated and sad. 

Back then, you probably didn't give a hoot about your weight and your body shape. And remember how much happier and more content you were. 

There's a clue for you ...

Maybe, as a child, you had goals and dreams for your life - unrelated  to simply how you look or what you weigh.  Maybe you thought quite well of yourself and life seemed so much easier and sunnier and warmer and friendlier.

It was. 

It's not just your imagination or an unreliable memory.  Life was  better and happier before the ED!  Life with an ED is a miserable living-hell!  I know because I've been there.

But it is never too late to recover and reclaim your life! 

I will explain in this blog - how this is possible and how you can start your journey back into a lovely and exciting life - your life - your destiny - and rediscover who you are away from the distortions of the ED.


And if you're still reading - well done!  Seriously!  That is a great start.

Every journey of one thousand miles - begins with a single step.

One step done …

So, how do you start?  Where do you start?  What do you do … to recover from an ED? 

It may all seems too hard.

But it isn't.  You can do it!  If you choose to...

Recovery will require patience and lots of little steps.  Small steps - which I will outline here - in this blog series.

Also, you will need hope - and courage - and positive thinking - and trust. 

You will need to trust me.  Trust that I know how you feel (I suffered with ED's for three years in my teens, and my daughter also suffered with an ED for three years), and I am correct when I tell you that the ED is not your friend.  The ED will destroy your life and smother any chance that you have for happiness. The ED is a lie.  You do not need to be thin to be worthwhile.  You are not your weight.  Your life exists away from the ED. And so many lovely and exciting things will come into your life - once you recover.  And, even if you've been ill for a number of years - whatever mile-stones you've missed - you can catch up.  It is never too late.

I chose to recovered from my ED's 30 years go - and I have never relapsed - or looked back!  Instead I have had an enjoyable and interesting life:  I married my soul mate 26 years ago (I met him soon after I recovered from the ED!);  I've had four lovely children; I've studied fascinating things at university - and elsewhere; I've enjoyed an exciting and rewarding career, and lots of other wonderful things.

Similarly - your life will be waiting for you once you kick the ED to the curb.

For me, all the work that I put in to recover and avoid relapse was not only truly worth the effort - but the skills I learned in order to recover (ie.  cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), adaptive coping skills, positive self-esteem, developing a positive body image, avoiding all diets - forever, and so on - as have been and will be discussed in this blog series) have combined to help me manage other unrelated stressful times later in my life. 

I can now roll with the punches that life throws at me, from time to time, and I can bounce back.  I have learned to be resilient.  Also, the lovely people who now share my life - most of whom I met once my ED resolved - have also help me to cope and recover during hard times.


But - recovery from an ED is a choice.  And making that choice takes courage.


And, on that note,  I will quickly digress into a little bit of philosophy - before we go on to outline the steps for recovery from ED's.


*Courage:  'The mental and moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger and difficulty.'

People who demonstrate courage are often terrified - but they have 'courage' - because  they do what they must anyway.  In spite of their fear - they step into the fray - and they fight.

Courage is a choice - even if fear isn't.


*Quote:  'Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things.  The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions:  could have, might have, and should have.'  
~ Anonymous


* At the end of our lives we will have two lists:  All of the things that we actually did - and all the things that we wished had happened.

And, as I've said before, I believe that life is a combination of destiny and choice:   I think that our destinies are exciting and unfolding stories waiting for us to leap on into them - and see where they take us.  Alternatively, we can choose not to go.  We can choose to sit exactly where we are now,  fearful of the world and our lives and any change. Doing this we will probably end up lonely and disappointed and sad.


Think about it … and then I hope that you will at least read and consider the following:



 Steps to recovery from Eating Disorders: 


1.  Choose  to be rid of the ED.

Yes - the first step is making a choice to recover.

If you choose to recover - you are half way there.

Seriously. 

If you choose not  to recover - then no-one  can 'get you well' again.

The choice is yours.

You may not  feel ready to recover - yet. 

However,  'not yet'  is still a positive step - if you keep an open-mind about reconsidering recovery at a later time.  You might even put a mark on the calendar - for two or three months time - when other stresses in your life are more sorted. 

If you are dealing with numerous stresses currently (positive and negative changes  in life can be stressful) - such as moving house, changing jobs, losing a job, dealing with sickness, loss of some sort - then now  may not be the ideal time to work at ED recovery.  Although, you could still read the blog discussing recovery - and then revisit it later - when you are less stretched by other things.

And, if you have decided that you definitely don't want to recover -  you could still choose to read on - and see if anything that I say might convince you otherwise.  Maybe, you could just read and see what you think.  What I write might, if nothing else, give you hope that recovery is always possible.  It is your  choice.


Choosing to recover is necessary - as recovery involves primarily changing the way you think and behave.  And no-one else can change your thinking - and your behaviour - without your  consent. 

You will need to be willing to change - and then you will need to persevere  in establishing the new thinking and behaviour - before it becomes automatic and a new natural habit for you - and henceforth - easier. 

Recovering from an ED is a lot  like learning to drive a car: 

Anyone who does not want to drive, or who is too scared to learn to drive - will never drive.  No-one else can force them to learn - if they refuse.  Initially driving may seem a little scary for all of us - but this fear gradually subsides as we practice - and as we realise that it is all not so terribly hard. Also, with practice, our driving will improve.  We will learn and eventually become proficient in driving.  We will master the skill. 

A desire to learn, courage, little steps, someone to teach and help us, practice and … voila!  We're 'driver's'.  Driving will gradually become automatic and we won't need to concentrate so much to do it.  Like other 'automatic' learned skills:  dressing, cycling, swimming, and so forth.

Your brain will change as your thoughts and behaviour changes - but first you must choose to change. Then you must persevere and practice.



Let me explain a couple of concepts about our brains - which might allow you to understand how  recovery from ED's  - at any age - is possible:

A. Neuroplasticity:

In the 20th century  - even as recently as the 1990's - neuroscientists thought that the adult brain was unable to change.

Yet, in the 21st century we now know that the brain is constantly changing and rejuvenating itself.  Our brains form new neurons throughout our lives, and the connections and functions of our brain change as a consequence of our behaviour and our thoughts.  This is known as 'neuroplasticity.' 

The suffix  '-plasticity' refers to the plastic nature of the brain.  The word 'plastic' derives from the greek (plastikos) meaning 'capable of being shaped or molded'.

The forces that allow us to change our brains - also keep us 'stuck' in certain behaviours and thoughts.  If we keep doing and thinking  the same  thing - then the corresponding neuronal pathway in the brain grow thicker and stronger - making it more difficult to 'unlearn' the behaviour or 'habit'. 

This is a bit like a sheep trail on a hillside.  The trail will start randomly - wherever the sheep wandered on the initial occasion (like an initial thought or behaviour creating a random neural path in our brain). However, as the sheep uses that path repeatedly - the trail will become more entrenched - until it develops into a deep groove in the hillside - and that track, henceforth, becomes the regular path that the sheep will automatically follow. The more the path is used - the more the track grows deeper into the hillside - and the harder it will be to change it - and wander somewhere new.

Similarly, neural pathways become entrenched the more we use them - and the thoughts and behaviours then become automatic and habitual. 

However, the brain is plastic.  It can be moulded and changed - at any age.

That same principle - of creating neural pathways and strengthening them with repeated use of a thought and behaviour - can also apply  to the development of new thoughts and habits - if we introduce a new idea and we practice a new behaviour - and then repeated practice that.  With time, and repeated use, these new thoughts and behaviours can eventually replace the old ones.  And then we have new automatic thoughts and new habits - and we don't have to think so hard, or try so hard, to do them.


B. The 'conscious' mind and the 'subconscious' mind:

Our brains consist of two separate and distinct parts, which also work together, namely:  the conscious mind and the unconscious mind.

The conscious mind consists of the thoughts that we are aware of.  In our conscious mind we can train ourselves, if we choose, to actively think more positive thoughts, such as:  hopefulness, problem-solving, positive affirmations, cognitive-behavioural  therapy (such as described in the ED blog 4 in this series).  However, much of our thoughts are still controlled by our subconscious mind - which is beneath our conscious awareness.

Our subconscious is a combination of all of our memories, bodily functions (ie heart rate, breathing, muscle tension), emotional reactions, beliefs and many other things.

Our subconscious mind has been programmed (nerve connections made) by what we have learned throughout our lives, since birth, through our experiences with:  our parents, our siblings, our peers, the media, and so forth. 

This is important to understand when we want to determine where our negative and self-harming thoughts and beliefs have originated - and thus how our ED started and why it may persists - even when we may consciously want to recover. 

The faulty beliefs, which we continue to hold in our sub-conscious mind - entrenched in long established and frequently used neural pathways -  may continue to sabotage our conscious attempts at recovery. Those sub-conscious beliefs and thoughts are the 'voices in our head' telling us not to recover, and not to give up the endless struggle to be thinner, and to endlessly exercise, and to hate ourselves, and so forth.  If you have an ED you know exactly what these negative and horrible beliefs tell you …

Some of the faulty beliefs  which underlie ED's relate to issues such as:
 
- the belief that we need to be very thin to be valuable and lovable and happy. 
(Note: 'thin'  has not always been the ideal of society.  In times past, when starvation was prevalent in the poorer classes of society,  a plump figure was more a mark of beauty and high status).
- the belief that we need to be 'perfect'  in order to be accepted by other people.
- the belief that we need to gain approval from other people to be happy.
- the belief that we need to follow strict rules with regards to eating and exercise.
- the belief that we need to be in constant control of our lives.
- the belief that the ED is a part of our selves and we cannot ever leave it - and recover.


By the way - the beliefs listed above are arbitrarily-defined rubbish!   They are complete lies!


They are as faulty and dead-wrong as many other rubbish-beliefs of societies in the present and the past and around the world:

For example, in the 16th century, during Elizabethan times, 'lead-based' make-up was all the rage for 'ideal' beauty.  The lead, of course, poisoned the wearer - resulting in a painful decline in health, brain-damage, and eventually death.
 
In China, for one thousand years, until 1912 - when the Chinese government banned the practice,  women's feet were bound, from childhood onwards, in order to achieve the 'ideal beauty' of tiny feet. The bound feet of these girls and women became mangled and crippled - forcing them to spend the rest of their lives hobbling around in pain.  Another useless and faulty belief leading to the self-harming behaviour.



Unfortunately, if the desires of our conscious mind (thoughts) conflict with our subconscious mind (beliefs, emotions such as fear, memories, body functions such as a racing pulse, tight chest and so on) - then the subconscious mind will win!

The sub-conscious beliefs and automatic thoughts - pull the strings on our conscious minds and our behaviours - like an evil puppet-master.

So, now you know.  If you ever wondered why it is so hard to change your own behaviour - even if consciously you want to, and you try to - you are swimming against the current until you change your beliefs and your subconscious thoughts as well.


But the great news is that you can change your subconscious beliefs and thoughts and, subsequently, your behaviour.  And, by doing this, you can recover from ED's!  No matter how long you've been ill or how severely ill you are!

The ways to change harmful beliefs, thoughts, and behaviours - which create ED's - begins with choosing to recover, and then challenging the harmful beliefs underlying the illness and, then learning new ways to think and behave - in the areas relating to the ED.

Don't worry.  That was a lot to digest.  We'll get to all of that in little baby steps.  I'll explain it all gradually. We'll take it slowly - and you'll understand as we get to each little bit in the puzzle to recovery.

Yet, as I've mentioned, commitment and perseverance and a preparedness to change - in order to establish new neural pathways - for new thoughts and behaviours - is needed if you are going to recover.

Like driving a car, or learning to swim, or learning a musical instrument - you must choose to participate and engage in your tuition.

Your brain can change.

You can move past your ED - no matter how long you've been ill.

The choice is yours.  You cannot blame anyone else, however, if you choose to stay ill. 

Remember: Life is a mix of destiny and choice. 


Just before we leave the topic of physically 'changing your brain' (note: there are many books and articles on the topic - if you're interested) - I will mention a three interesting activities which you may like to try - just to see the effectiveness of controlling your own brain - and your thinking:



i) visualisation: 
Visualising events - without doing anything - just sitting in a chair and imaging yourself playing a piano, or eating a chocolate, giving a speech to an audience - will change your brain in the same way as actually doing those things. 

And, later, if you actually do those things - your performance will have improved, and you will likely feel as if you've done it many times before - which will reduce your anxiety and increase your confidence.

The reason for this is that action and imagination often activate the same parts of the brain. 

As described in Sharon Begley's book Train Your Mind Change Your Brain  she described how "Harvard researchers performed an experiment in which they had volunteers practice playing a short piece of music on the piano for two hours a day.  After five days, the researchers found that the section of brain responsible for the motion of the fingers had grown.  These findings supported what other recent research had found - the brain, like muscles in your arms, can grow when it gets a workout. 

In the second part of the experiment, the new volunteers did not physically play the piano. Instead, they were told to imagine (visualise) that they were practicing the piece of music.  They did not actually move their fingers, they just thought about how their fingers would move.  When the researchers hooked up the subjects to the machines they found that the same part of the brain that had grown in the first group also grew in the second group.  So, the power of thought alone had changed the structure of their brains."

Note:  Visualisation techniques require repetition and feeling.

The subjects in the above experiment not only 'saw' themselves playing the piano, more importantly they 'felt' themselves playing the piano. They imagined the feelings involved as well.


ii) Mindfulness meditation:
This is the practice of simply observing your own inner thoughts and experiences (such a racing heart, sweaty palms, tightness in your muscles) in a way that is fully aware - but not judgemental.

"You can stand outside your mind and observe thoughts and feelings as if they were happening to someone else," says neuropsychiatrist Jeffery Schwartz - from the University of California.

In this way - if you feel the urge to binge, or purge, or push yourself into 'driven' exercise - you could try sitting quietly, feeling the panic and anxiety rise in your body - but distance yourself from it - and sit through it.  You are safe.  You can dispassionately ride out the 'storm' in your head.  And, objectively, just understand that the feelings and panicked thoughts you are having are merely a product of the 'faulty neural pathways' in your brain.  You are not in any 'real danger' despite the anxiety symptoms.  The faulty neural pathways can be reprogrammed. 

When this technique has been used in patients with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) after only one week of using this technique, when they felt the urge to repeatedly perform a task (ie wash their hands), they reported that the illness was no longer controlling them.

A study was done by UCLA scientists in which 18  OCD patients had PET scans of their brains before and after 10 weeks of 'mindfulness-based therapy'.  None of the patients took medication for their OCD and all had moderate to severe symptoms.  Of the 18 patients - 12 patients (two thirds of them) improved significantly.
PET scans after treatment also showed that the activity in the orbital frontal cortex, the core of the OCD circuit, had fallen dramatically compared to what it had been before the mindfulness-based therapy.

Schwartz concluded that the study gave conclusive evidence that "willful, mindful effort can alter brain function and that self-directed brain changes (neuroplasticity) are a genuine reality."

So - the mind can change the brain.

Thoughts and behaviours can change brain neural-circuits and brain function. 



iii)  Compassionate meditation:
Mental training which uses many of the brains 'thought' circuits can change the brain's 'emotional' circuits because thought has been linked to emotion in the brain.

Deliberately focusing on a thought for 'well-being' or healing of someone else - can increase gamma waves in the brain.  It is known that increased gamma waves are associated with an increased ability to feel optimistic, compassionate, and to process things that we learn.

It has been found that Buddhist Monks who use this type of meditation regularly (compassionate meditation) have increased activity in their left prefrontal cortex - which is associated with positive mood - and this change was found to be permanent (not only occurring during the meditation - but the meditation itself created new neural pathways and neurones in this region).

This phenomenon might also explain why altruism (the unselfish concern for others - including volunteering or engaging in activities to help others) has been shown in a number of studies to result in a positive mood in the giver.


So, re-training the brain - and thus physically and functionally changing the brain - is possible at any age - and no matter how long you have had an ED or how severely entrenched your behaviours currently are.  And, with this - a full recovery from ED's - without relapse -  is entirely possible.  If you choose to recover and put in the work required.  Like learning any new skill.


The choice to recover is yours!



                                               *


But, are you ready to recover?

Changing one's life can happen in the following stages:

a. Pre-contemplative stage:

This is where a person is not ready or willing to consider change.

b. Contemplative stage:

This is where a person has begun to consider changing, but hasn't yet taken any action.

c. Preparation stage:

This is where a person is preparing to make a move towards change.
(For example an ED sufferer may have acquired a telephone number to see a psychologist who specialises in ED's - but she/he hasn't made the phone call yet to book an appointment.)

d. Action:

This is where a person is actively involved in change.
(For example the ED sufferer is now engaged in treatment - and actively working towards recovery).


Note: An individual can switch between stages, sometimes, even from day to day - or minute to minute.  And, just because an individual has begun therapy - doesn't mean that she/he is in the action stage.  She/he may have switched back to the preparation or even the contemplative stage.


                                                *

Is this the right time?

Yes!  

Scared or not - find the courage to take the leap of faith - and get started.  An ED is a miserable 'cancer' to you.  It will destroy you and your life.  Your true life path will wait for you and begin - once you rid yourself of the horrible ED.

Unless, as I mentioned earlier, there are many other stressful things happening in your life right now.  If that is the case - you could put a circle around a day - in two or three months time - to revisit this blog and get started.

It has been said that: 'The only thing worse than needlessly suffering for  'x'  amount of time  - is to needlessly suffer for  'x'  amount of time - plus one day!'

It is never too late.  And the sooner you reclaim your life - the better.

Also, don't allow yourself to hide behind a stack of excuses.  Find the courage to fight for your life.  We can go through the 'how to steps' together in these blogs.



*  Courage:  
Remember - courage doesn't mean that you are not scared. 

People who demonstrate courage are often terrified - but they have courage - because they do what they must anyway. 


*  Leap of faith:
Some psychologists have claimed that decisions we make are often based on two main emotions:  love and fear.

Some people base almost every decision on fear:  fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of getting fat, fear of other people getting angry with them  …

However fear-based decisions often lead to only hollow victories at best, and endless regret at worst. (Assuming of course that we're not talking about dangerous things - like sky-diving or driving in a very fast car with a lunatic.)  But, assuming that the choices we are presented with are not putting us in physical danger - then love-based decisions are much more likely to lead to lasting happiness.

Taking a leap of faith - even if it is a love-based decision (such as wanting to become a doctor and so letting go of the ED - as I did in my case) - is still scary.  It still requires courage.

But imagine (visualise) yourself achieving your goal - if all the fear was removed.  If you weren't afraid of being judged badly - or criticised -  even by yourself. How liberating would that feel?  How much closer to your true self would you be?!   Your self as a child.

Taking the leap to change - is a choice. 

But how would you feel if you never tried - and you had to live with regret - or even die with that regret.


How to take the leap:  
Set a date - if you are not ready to start right now.
Write it on the calendar.

The leap from your mind to your calendar is the moment of commitment. 

Commit in your heart and in your mind and you may also tell other people that you trust about your plan to recover.  And, if there are any 'naysayers' amongst your acquaintances (people who try to sabotage your recovery - for whatever reason) - avoid them!  Especially while you are working at recovery. 

And don't be put off if you need to try to recover more than once.  Failing is just a part of learning.  Put it down to experience - and try again.  And again. And again …

Each time you try - you will learn ways to solve problems and you'll get better at bouncing up again. Which is another way of saying that you will learn 'resilience' - which will help you in the future - with other goals.

And never lose sight of your goals.  Goals - which you love - will inspire you to fight to recover. (I'll discuss in another blog in this ED series 'Finding your passion'.  Not always easy to do.  But that won't stop you from finding it!)

Often the biggest thing standing in the way of our dreams - is ourselves. And our fear.

                                                    *


*  It may help you to make a list of the pros and cons of having an ED - if you are still not sure whether to commit to recovery.

For example: 

Not recovering:
Cons:  You feel lonely; you are isolated; you are depressed and anxious; you spend a lot of time in hospital; you cannot achieve much in school or in your job due to tiredness and feeling ill; you have trouble sleeping - due to hunger; you feel constantly inadequate; you are missing out on have relationships or having children or finding a partner …

Pros:  you like being thin; you fear becoming fat; you fear being rejected by other people if you gain weight; you are familiar with the ED and you fear letting it go; the ED helps you to cope with stress …

Just a little word here - I have been recovered from my ED for 30 years.  I have never dieted in all of my adult life and I've had four children.  However I am the same healthy weight (BMI - range 19 − 25) as I was when I was a teenager.  Recovery does not mean becoming fat.  Fact.  It means becoming healthy.


Recovering:
Cons:  Fear of what life will be like without hiding under the ED illness; fear of how you'll cope with stress without the ED; fear of becoming overweight and ridiculed by others …

Pros:  You imagine that you will feel happier - letting go of self-criticism; not feeling hungry all the time; you might enjoy food and the social aspect of eating; you will have more energy to be competitive again in something more important than just weight - such as a career, sporting achievements, study and exams; you can avoid hospital admissions and remove the nasogastric tube and stop being treated like a child or an invalid …

Notice how the reasons to remain ill are mostly 'fear-driven' (holding you back) - while the reasons to recover are mostly 'love-driven' (inspiring you to stride forward). 

And that is how remaining ill feels.  Everyone else (without ED's) seems to move on in their lives - while the ED sufferer is stuck … and left behind in the flow of life - fearful and miserable.

Which reminds me of how my daughter described the illness - when she was 13 and she first became ill:

It is like I was traveling down a river - with my family and my friends.  And then I was caught up in a large branch of a tree which hung down low over the water.  I'm not sure if I grabbed the branch, as I passed it, or it grabbed me - but I became caught up in its twisted limbs and it carried  me up and out of the water. Away up into the sky.  The river kept flowing and my friends and my family moved along with it.  But I was taken away from them all.   I could no longer move anywhere.  I was trapped. And, I found myself to be so high up in the sky that I was  too scared to jump back into the river.  I was so scared, and distant from the river and everyone else. I couldn't get back.  I couldn't get away from the branch - holding me.  I was too scared to let go … and jump.



Find the courage to recover.

It is never too late to change and get on with the rest of your life.

I will show you how.

I recovered from my ED.  My daughter recovered from her ED.  We were both ill many a number of years.  My daughter was severely ill - and required admission to hospital for over a year.  She has been well now over two years and I've been well for 30 years. We are happy now - and traveling along in our lives - finding out what destiny has in store for us.  And, you can too - if you choose to find the courage to take the leap of faith needed to jump into recovery.

I want you to have a good life.  I hope that you learn the skills to cope with stress in a healthy way.  I hope that you find your 'self' - and your passions - and you get excited about life again. 

I hope that you find love, give love, and follow the things that you love in your life - instead of constantly running away from the things you fear.

You can do it.

If you choose to.


                            *                        *                     *


In the next blog I will continue to discuss recovery from ED's.


Before I go:

A cute little story about my 5 year old son, Ollie - just to finish on a cheerful note - from out in the lovely world - away from numbers and food and ED's!

Hooray - we all say!

So here's my little tale about my son Ollie - relating to an event which happened this week. I do find that my stories relate to him a lot - because he tends to make me laugh so much:

As I've written in earlier blogs (ie Parenting: in the trenches) Ollie started Primary school in February of this year.  He has already learned his letters and he is now practicing his writing. 

So, he practices writing on all the frosty windows of the house, now that it is almost winter in Australia, and on the frosty windows of the car as well - in the mornings before school.  I find pictures of rocket ships and smiley faces on every window - when the mornings are cold. Oh, and alphabet letters and numbers as well.

He also loves to write on paper - and everyday he sends me little cards or notes which usually go something like this:

'I luv yoo mumme frum Oli  xx'

Sometimes he writes the notes on paper inside a heart - which he colours red and then he cuts it out with scissors for me.

In recent weeks he has also been telling me all about how he has been trying to behave especially well in class - so that he can get three ticks from his teacher - and that will entitle him to a special sticker. 

A big deal when you're five years old, apparently. 

Currently he has managed to achieve two ticks, after a lot of effort and hard work. So he is now really close to winning this amazing sticker.

Finally, last night, he explained to me, as I tucked him into bed, the reason that the sticker means so much to him.

'I want to get the sticker,' he said, 'because I want to give it to you Mum - on the letter I write you. Then you can keep it forever.'

I was so touched. 

He's been talking about winning that sticker for a few weeks now.  Naturally, I thought that he wanted it for himself. But, to think that he's been working so hard to get it - just so that he can give it to me - was really moving. 

Although, I'm not surprised.  Ollie is one of the most sentimental and affectionate little souls that I've ever met.  Of course, I now realise that he would want to give it as a gift to someone else - along with all of his love.


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I hope everyone has a lovely week.