It's known that eating disorders (ED's), like most other medical conditions, are the result of both genetic factors (genes account for up to 80% of the development of ED's - which is why ED symptoms tend to run in families) and environmental (or external) factors. A 'nature-nurture' phenomenon - like so many health issues.
So Genes load the 'ED gun' and external factors 'pull the trigger'.
Genes cannot be changed. External factors can - and they might even be avoided.
Rogue ED genes might never become expressed, and an ED may be completely prevented - if we can identify and change the causative external factors. And, for those individuals with an already established ED - changing those external factors might lead to recovery from the ED, and prevention of future relapses!
So, what are these external causes for ED's - which might make such a difference in the lives of ED sufferers ?
Well, there are a few and I will discuss them over the next few blogs. However, in this blog, the third in my short series of blogs discussing ED's, I will look at the first three in the list : Dieting, Body image, and Self-esteem.
And, in discussing these external causative factors for ED's - we will begin our discussions about preventing ED's, recovering from ED's, and avoiding relapse of ED's.
1. DIETING:
Dieting is the single most important risk factor for developing an ED.
Now for some scary statistics:
- Studies have shown that among 12 to 17 year olds, 90% of females and 68% of males have been on a diet of some kind.
- At any given time, approximately 68% of 15 year old females are on a diet! Of these 8% are severely dieting.
- It is known that adolescent girls who diet only moderately are 5 times more likely to develop an ED than those who don't diet, and those who diet severely are 18 times more likely to develop an ED.
Studies show that 35% of 'normal dieters' progress to 'pathological dieting'. And, of those, 20 − 25% progress to partial or full-syndrome ED's.
My advice from my own experience of recovering from an ED, 30 years ago, with no relapses in that time is this:
NEVER EVER DIET! NOT FOR ANY REASON!
NEVER!
I hope that is clear.
AND, NO! DON'T DIET EVEN THEN! I am reading your thoughts. Never diet means … never … never … never … never … never … Ever !!
If you're ever remotely tempted to diet - imagine my imploring face, and my words: No!!! Don't do it! Diets don't work! You'll get depressed, feel like a failure - again - (I'm sure it won't be your first failed diet), and you'll put on even more weight … or even worse … you may develop an ED!
For me, the 'never diet' philosophy has been really fantastic!
My weight has remained exactly the same for the last 30 years! Since I was a teenager! Without ever dieting! ( Yes … enough with the exclamation marks! Sorry! I'll stop now …)
My weight is in the normal healthy BMI range - and stable. And that is all I'll say. No numbers. No more numbers. Focus on simply on a single word - 'healthy'.
Note: No numbers.
To recover and avoid relapse from an ED - avoid numbers. Not even a BMI number. Except to say that your weight is in the 'healthy' range. We will discuss later the rule about 'no more numbers'.
Instead - focus on health. And lots of other things - hobbies, for instance, or building an actual life - where you go out and do things (not exercise and buying diet food!) and have fun and … achieve things. Actual things - not just existing as someone who looks a certain way. That is not being anything. That is simply existing. An inanimate picture on the wall could do that. A vase of flowers could do that. A rock on the ground could do that. You are more than numbers and a body. Inside … in your mind. That is you. Demonstrated by the things that you do. The path in life you walk. The people you interact with. The legacy you leave behind. Your soul.
After you recover from an ED - ignore numbers! In fact, during recovery from an ED - ignore numbers. In fact, for anyone, it is a good idea to not become a slave to numbers !
Think only 'healthy' and 'that'll do'. Average is OK. Average is a wonderful and liberating word. I will write a blog soon about that wonderful word. The antithesis of that awful, enslaving word - 'perfect'. In fact 'perfect' doesn't exist! 'Perfect' is a lie !
I have had four children. During each pregnancy I gained around 17 kg! (The obstetrician weighed me. That is the only reason I know those numbers).
I managed to lose all the weight within 3 − 4 months, after each baby was born, without ever dieting. I lost the weight so that I could fit into my old, but lovely, clothes. And, I liked my old weight. It just felt 'comfortable and healthy' for me. So, I went back to that without much effort at all. And no diets.
I will discuss weight management later (ie. maintaining a healthy and stable weight - without developing an ED or dieting) in another blog.
Weight control is mostly to do with learning to listen to 'hunger signals', and moderation. Similar to how the French stay slim. But not dieting. And, nothing 'nuts' - like eating only cabbages for weeks, or meat all day. That is not only unhealthy - but, who could, or would want to, do that for the rest of their life?!
A healthy weight is about - 'common sense'. A balanced and healthy-ish lifestyle. Without any diets. Moderation is one of the keys.
And, no! A stack of exercise is not necessary either. I don't exercise formally. I only go on family walks weekly, for an hour or two. And I occasionally swim (once a week if I'm lucky. Or, more accurately, if I can be bothered! Let's be honest). And none of that is for 'weight control'. My exercise is purely for fun and relaxation.
Although, I'm not against exercise, of course. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress; it's good for your body generally; it can be fun; and it will help you control your weight. But, it is not absolutely necessary for a stable, healthy weight. And excessive exercise is not good for you, either. Many people with ED's are addicted to exercise. So, it's things done in moderation again.
Studies repeatedly show that dieting doesn't work!
If you have an ED - dieting will perpetuate the ED.
If you've had an ED, like me, the dieting will probably cause you to relapse.
And, dieting is not the answer to staying in a healthy weight range. (BMI ~ 18.5 − 25).
Research has shown that the traditional dieting approach of restricting both calories and food types show poor results in achieving long-term weight loss.
Within five years, many dieters regain any weight they lose and often end up heavier than before they began. They also tend to develop unhealthy attitudes to food, and lose their natural ability to recognise when they are hungry or full !
Young women who start dieting before the age of 15 are more likely to experience depression, binge eating, purging and physical symptoms like tiredness and anaemia.
Dieting to control weight during adolescence is not only ineffective, it may actually promote weight gain. A study of adolescents showed that after three years of follow-up, regular adolescent dieters gained more weight than non-dieters.
High frequency dieting and early onset of dieting are associated with poorer physical and mental health, more disordered eating, extreme body dissatisfaction, and more frequent general health problems.
And, as I mentioned in my second blog on this topic, it's been reported that the Dieting industry has a 98% failure rate.
And with that would come a 98% rate of reactive-depression, and a 98% rate of feeling-like-a- complete-loser. And 98% of you reading this - will not be in the 2% who succeed with diets - long term. That's called maths.
Another study showed that 95% of all dieters will regain their lost weight within 5 years.
Diets are not the long term answer.
*
2. BODY IMAGE:
Body image relates to:
- How you see yourself - in the mirror, or in a photo, or in your mind.
Note: This is not always correct and may be quite different to how you actually look!
- What you think about your own appearance - including your memories, assumptions, and generalizations.
This can lead to preoccupation about your body shape and weight.
- How you feel about the way you look. This relates to the amount of satisfaction or dissatisfaction you have about you body - height, shape, and weight.
- What behaviours you engage in - as a result of how you feel about the way you look. This effects the way you sense and move your body(ie. slouch, hunch over, confidently stride).
If a person is dissatisfied with way they look, they might also isolate themselves - because they feel bad about their appearance. Or they may engage in destructive behaviours to try to change the way they look.
A) A negative body image:
Definition:
- A distorted perception of your shape (how you see parts of your body unlike they really are).
- You think that only other people are attractive - and your body size and/or shape is a sign of your personal failure. This can lead to preoccupation with body shape and weight.
- You feel ashamed, self-conscious, and anxious about your body.
People with a negative body image are more likely:
- to develop an ED
- to suffer from feelings of depression, isolation (ashamed to go out), low self esteem, and obsession with weight loss.
B) A positive body image:
Definition:
- A clear, true perception of your shape (you perceive parts of your body as they really are).
- You accept and appreciate your natural body shape. And you understand that a person's physical appearance does not equate to their value as a person and their character.
- You feel proud of your own body shape and refuse to worry about calories, weight, and excessive exercise, or even plastic surgery, to look differently.
** A positive body image is important because:
A person with a positive body image is able to accept, appreciate, and respect their body.
A positive body image is a factor which helps protect individuals from developing an ED - even if they are genetically at risk. So, it is a preventive factor.
Also, if an individual is able to develop a positive body image - this will greatly assist them to recover from an ED, and protect against future relapses.
A positive body image will also help:
- self esteem - which determines how a person feels about themselves, and this can affect every aspect of one's life, and contribute to happiness and well-being.
- self-acceptance - which helps a person to feel comfortable and happy with the way they look, and less affected by the 'unrealistic' images in the media, and pressures from society (regarding shape and 'being thin').
- develop a healthy outlook, and healthy behaviours - as it is easier to maintain healthier habits when you allow yourself to 'eat if you're hungry' (respond to healthy 'hunger cues') and feel more positively toward yourself and, as such, feel happier and more confident.
** A negative body image is important to avoid because:
A person with a negative body image has negative thoughts and feelings about their body.
Furthermore, people who over-value their body image in defining their self-worth can become develop:
- a low self-esteem,
- become depressed,
- develop ED's, or remain unable to recover from ED's, or relapse with an ED,
- become fixated on trying to change their body shape - which can lead to unhealthy practices with food and exercise, and even plastic surgery.
And when these practices don't achieve the desired outcome (which they usually don't) - physically or emotionally - an individual can develop intense feelings of disppointment, guilt and shame. They may isolate themselves from others - and the whole miserable cycle escalates.
ED's become increasingly likely.
C) The external factors which can cause a negative body image:
A negative body image is an internal problem (in your mind) - but the causes are usually external - and as such they can be prevented or changed.
Some of these external causes include:
1. The media:
One of the most common external factors in the development of a negative body image is the media.
The media includes a number of different platforms: television, magazines, internet, and advertising. The images portrayed on these sites are unrealistic, unobtainable, and highly stylised ideals which have been fabricated by stylists, artists, and digital manipulation - and cannot be achieved in real life.
Furthermore, most models are thinner than what has been determined to be a healthy weight range, with respect to 'body-mass index' (BMI). In the US, for example, as I mentioned in the second blog of this ED series, the average woman has a BMI of 24 (normal range: 18.5 − 25). The average model has a BMI of 16 (anorexia nervosa range BMI definition: <17.5)!
The body type portrayed by advertising as the 'ideal' is possessed by only 5% of American females.
97% of girls in grade 5 − 12 reported that they wanted to lose weight because of magazine pictures.
70% of girls in grade 5 − 12 reported that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a 'perfect body shape.'
80% of women who answered a People magazine survey responded that images of women on television and in the movies made them feel insecure.
Those people (which seems to be most females) who don't feel they measure up in comparison to these images, can feel intense body dissatisfaction - ugly, inadequate, too fat … a loser.
As I mentioned in blog one, of this ED series: in 1998, 38 months after television first came to Nadroga, Fiji, 15% of girls, aged 17 on average, admitted to vomiting to control weight. 74% of girls reported feeling 'too big and fat' at least sometimes. Fiji has only one TV channel, which broadcasts mostly American, Australian, and British programs.
2. Cultural pressures:
Cultural factors can adversely affect body image.
In our western culture - in recent decades we have come to glorify 'thinness' and place a high value on obtaining the 'perfect body'.
We have come to value people (movie stars, pop-stars, models) based on their physical appearance and not as much on inner qualities. This may explain why media personalities work so hard on their appearance - with plastic surgery, and drastic measures to lose weight or 'body sculpt' (liposuction and so forth), or digitally manipulate images of themselves.
Our culture has also developed a rather narrow definition of beauty - which may explain why there is so little 'body-shape' diversity among models. They all look almost exactly the same - in their body shape and height and weight.
In our weight conscious society today, those individuals with a larger body size are also more likely to develop a negative body image.
Furthermore, our culture teaches us that being accepted by others is necessary at any cost.
Unfortunately, this has led to the belief that in order to fit in (achieve social acceptance) we must look a certain way.
3. Peers:
Body image is often shaped during late childhood and adolescence - although body dissatisfction can affect people of all ages.
Adolescent girls are more prone to body dissatisfaction than adolescent boys, although the rate of body dissatisfaction in males is rapidly increasing and approaching that of females.
Friends who diet and express body image concerns and model weight loss behaviours - can increase the likelihood of an individual developing a negative body image - regardless of their actual body type - and acquiring similar weight loss behaviours (ie. dieting, purging, diuretic or laxative use, smoking).
Teasing an individual, by peers, about appearance, or weight, or body shape, regardless of their actual body type - will result in a higher risk that the teased individual will develop a negative body image.
4. Family:
Other family members who diet and express body image concerns (worry about weight and physical appearance) can be negative role models (similar to the effects of peers) and result in an individual within that family developing a negative body image.
Conversely, belonging to a family environment that does not overemphasise weight and physical appearance - has been found to be protective against developing a negative body image, and ED's.
Other family members with ED's might also model their ED behaviour, as well as passing on their ED genes - and both of these factors might explain why ED's more often run in families.
Studies have found that another socially protective factor in families was to eat meals together on a regular basis.
The converse is true for families who rarely sit down and eat meals together.
Longitudinal studies into the association between family meal frequency and disordered eating behaviours in adolescents found that - regular family meals during adolescence played a protective role for extreme weight control behaviours in girls, although not in boys.
5. Sporting Activities:
Athletes are another group at higher risk of developing a negative body image and ED's. And, although many of these athletes develop disordered eating to keep their competitive edge, others use exercise as a way to maintain their weight and figure.
ED's are especially prevalent in sports where 'thinness' is a factor - such as ballet, figure skating, gymnastics.
Men can often struggle with binge eating following excessive exercise while they focus on building muscle rather than losing fat. But, this goal of gaining muscle can be just as much an ED as obsessing over thinness.
The following statistics (taken from the book: Abnormal Psychology - by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema) shows the estimated percentage of athletes that struggle with ED's based on the different categories of sport :
Category of sports Estimated % with ED's
- Aesthetic sports (dance, figure skating, gymnastics) - 35%
- Weight dependent sports (judo, wrestling) - 29%
- Endurance sports (cycling, swimming, running) - 20%
-Technical sport (gold, high jump) - 14%
- Ball game sports (volleyball, soccer) - 12%
6. Personality traits:
Some personality traits can put an individual at higher risk of developing a negative body image, and with that, at higher risk of developing an ED. Some of these traits are as follows:
- perfectionism
- high self-expectations
- competitiveness
- driven
- tendency to depression and/or anxiety and/or loneliness
- low self-esteem
- troubled family and/or personal relationships (social phobia common)
- difficulty expressing emotions and feelings
- A history of being teased or ridiculed based on weight or size
- A history of physical and/or sexual abuse
D) How can you improve your body image?
* It is important to know that there is no right or wrong appearance.
Throughout history, and across different cultures, the definition of 'beauty' has and does vary greatly. It is all arbitrary and irrelevant. For example, in some cultures, girls' feet were bound, and crippled, all in the name of beauty. In other cultures people stick metal rings around their necks, to elongate the neck, until they look like a giraffe, in the name of beauty?! Or, in the past, European women would paint their faces with lead-based white make-up - and die of lead poisoning - all in the name of beauty!! How is starving one-self any less ridiculous than any of that?
That was a rhetorical question people! The answer is: 'No! It's not less ridiculous. Starving oneself is at least as stupid! And everyone wanting to look exactly the same - is just as bad!'
If you can't see that yet - let's keep working on this: discovering your own individual beauty - which is more about who you are, what you do with your life - than what you look like. And your soul, the real you, is where true beauty lies.
That was a rhetorical question people! The answer is: 'No! It's not less ridiculous. Starving oneself is at least as stupid! And everyone wanting to look exactly the same - is just as bad!'
If you can't see that yet - let's keep working on this: discovering your own individual beauty - which is more about who you are, what you do with your life - than what you look like. And your soul, the real you, is where true beauty lies.
Health and happiness and contentment in your life is what actually matters.
And seeing yourself as unique, and valuable - with your own talents and qualities.
Not a superficial imitation of anyone else !
Also, there is a limited amount that you can change about your body. Your height, muscle composition and bone structure is fixed by genes. But - that is you! Value that as I hope you'll learn to value your self!
* Some tips:
a) - Focus on your positive qualities, skills, talents - will help you appreciate your whole self. (ie. kindness, music abilities, artistic skills, sense of humour)
b) - Say positive things to yourself everyday.
- write any old thing that is positive.
- If possibly, write the homework that I suggested at the end of blog 2 (list 3 people you admire and 3 qualities about those 3 you admire. Those are usually qualities you possess. We tend to see things more clearly in others than we do in ourselves).
- when I did this (write a list of positive things about myself) while I was recovering from an ED - I found it hard to think of anything good about myself. When your self esteem is in your boots that can happen. But, a friend helped me make up a list of 10 things - and I forced myself to read them everyday - from a piece of paper I kept in my purse.
It really does help.
Internal positive talk - will help combat all the negative internal dialogue going on in your head for the other 23 hours and 59 minutes of the day!)
It's a beginning. Recovery will take quite a while. This is all a start.
But every journey of 1000 miles - begins with a single step.
This is the journey back into a happy and wonderful life for you. A healthy and lovely life - like mine has been since I recovered.
c) Avoid negative and berating self talk.
We'll cover this in the next blog - 'cognitive behavioural therapy' or CBT.
It is amazingly powerful.
That internal critic telling you that you are never good enough - can be shut down for good. You can learn this. Your brain is plastic and can change and learn to become more positive and kind to you. CBT helps so many things - self esteem, mood, contentment, body image ...
d) Focus on appreciating and respecting your body.
You my not like your chubby legs - but at least you can walk! You may not like your glasses - but at least you can see! You may not like your nose - but at least … you're not suffering with third degree burns to 80% of your body !
Things could always be worse. So, with that in mind - trivialities like not being 'perfect' (a constantly shifting goal post anyway) is not anything worth dwelling on for too long.
My children tell me that I have a habit of saying to them, when they come to me with problems:
'Well, it could be worse!'
And, it could be!
Of course, my children and I discuss their problems, we problem-solve, and so forth. But we also put problems into perspective. Things are often not as bad as you think. In a week or so we will probably not even remember what these problems were. Some things also work out for the best - when you look back. You learn and grow from difficult times.
There's an old saying:
Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.
And, things could usually be worse … and they're not. So, that's something to be grateful for.
Of course, my children and I discuss their problems, we problem-solve, and so forth. But we also put problems into perspective. Things are often not as bad as you think. In a week or so we will probably not even remember what these problems were. Some things also work out for the best - when you look back. You learn and grow from difficult times.
There's an old saying:
Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.
And, things could usually be worse … and they're not. So, that's something to be grateful for.
So, let's think of any number of 'it could be worse' scenarios.
In addition to whatever problems you currently have in your life - it could be worse. In addition to those problems (or challenges) you could also be:
blind; blind and - deaf; blind, deaf and - completely paralysed; blind, deaf, completely paralysed and - about to be trampled by (insert relevant collective noun) of elephants; you could have fallen off the side of an ocean liner and no-one can hear you scream and the boat is steaming away … and the sharks are coming...
You get the point.
No matter how bad things are - in most cases it could be worse. It could start raining - and you're far from home with no umbrella - and the worst electrical storm hits - and the most boring and annoying person you've ever known is now with you endlessly complaining about … everything … and you fall in a ditch and break your ankle - on top of everything you're currently experiencing in your life (blindness, deafness, paralysis …)
And, even then - it could be worse.
I often see life in this way. I acknowlege all the good things in my life - everyday. This is called being a 'cup half full person - rather than a cup half empty person'.
And if things go wrong - I acknowlege - 'when at least … didn't happen'. (Insert some scenario from the above list).
e) Set positive health focused goals - rather than 'weight loss goals'.
For example you may like to eat a little more fruit and vege's for the vitamins and minerals and fibre they contain. Not to lose weight!
And you may like to hike along a very long trail - to see a lovely view, or swim a kilometre - for the fitness side and the relaxation. And not to lose weight.
This will put the focus on your overall 'well-being'.
f) Make a point of appreciating your own beauty (eyes, nice skin, hair etc) and try not to compare yourself with others.
As the poem Desiderata says:
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Also, while we're talking about that lovely poem, another quote is lovely:
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Remember- what is unique and different about you - makes you 'you' - special and a valued soul.
3. SELF-ESTEEM:
Finally, I will briefly discuss self-esteem - in my list of potentially modifiable external factors - which, if corrected, can result in prevention of ED's, recovery from ED's, and the avoidance of relapse of ED's.
Definition: Self-esteem is the judgement that a person has of themselves and their worth (positive and negative).
It includes:
- Beliefs: for example, 'I am competent', 'I am worthy.'
- Emotions: for example - despair, pride, shame.
A person may have positive or negative self-esteem in:
- a small area about oneself: for example, 'I am a good dancer', or
- globally about oneself: for example, 'I believe that I am a bad person, and I feel bad about myself generally'.
Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality trait.
The importance of self-esteem lies in the fact that our view of ourselves and our value - affects the way that we are, and act, and relate to other people in the world.
The healthiest expression of self-esteem is when we don't need approval from others (fame or flattery) but we approve of ourselves already and unconditionally (ie regardless of our looks, shape, size, achievements, failures).
Experiences in our lives determine the nature of our self-esteem (attitudes to ourselves and feeling of self worth):
* Pre-school years:
Our parents are the most significant influence on self-esteem. An emphasis on unconditional love is important for a child to feel cared for and respected.
These feelings translate later into self-esteem as the child grows.
* School years:
-Academic achievements or failures - contributes significantly to self-esteem.
- Social experiences - children'compare' themselves to the other children - in activities, and see differences between themselves and others.
- Adolescence - peer influence - becomes much more important.
-Social acceptance is very important. Rejection and loneliness can lead to low self-esteem.
* Parenting style:
- caring, supportive parents who set clear standards for their child and allow them to voice their opinion in decision making results in higher self esteem for the child.
Childhood experiences that contribute to a high self-esteem:
- being listened to
- being spoken to respectfully
- receiving appropriate attention and affection
- having accomplishments recognised
- mistakes or failures acknowleged and accepted
Low self-esteem experiences in childhood:
- being harshly criticized
- being abused - physically, sexually, or emotionally
- being ignored, ridiculed, or teased
- being expected to be perfect all the time
Self-esteem has been found to increase during adolescence and into young adulthood.
High self-esteem was associated with:
- higher levels of mastery
- low risk taking
- better health
Personality types are associated with self-esteem.
Higher self esteem was associated with personalities which were: emotionally stable, extroverted, and conscientious.
Low self esteem can result from various factors, including:
- genetic factors
- physical appearance or weight
- mental health issues (depression and anxiety can lower self esteem)
- socioeconomic status
- peer pressure and bullying
A person with low self esteem can show some of the following characteristics:
- they experience heavy self-criticism and dissatisfaction
- hypersensitivity to criticism - resentful of the critic, and they feel like they're being attacked if they are criticised at all
- chronic indecision and fear of making mistakes
- excessive will to please
- perfectionism (which can lead to frustration and depression if perfection isn't acieved)
- neurotic guilt (dwelling on, or exaggerting the magnitude of past mistakes)
- floating 'anger' and general defensiveness
- pessimism and a general negative outlook
- they see temporary setbacks as permanent, and intolerable conditions.
A person with high self esteem can show some of the following characteristics:
- they have a postive self-image (which is deeper and stronger than simply 'body image')
- their self-esteem is not subdued by failures in their pursuits.
- they have less fear of failure
- appear humble, cheerful, and don't boast about their achievements
- they work hard to achieve their goals, because if they fail - they can 'bounce back'
- they acknowledge their own mistakes precisely (as their self-image is strong)
- they live with less fear of losing social prestige, more happiness, and general well-being
** But, no level of positive self-esteem is indestructable. And some situations and circumstances in life, can result in an individual falling from this level of positive self-esteem to any other more negative level of self-esteem.
So, self-esteem is vitally important for happiness in life and health. Abraham Maslow said that psychological health is not possible unless the essential core of a person is fundamentally accepted, loved, and respected by others and by him or herself.
Self-esteem allows people to face life with more confidence, benevolence, and optimism, and more easily reach their goals.
Self-esteem may help people to feel that they deserve happiness in life. It helps people to have more rich interpersonal relationships, and avoid destructive ones. It is less possible to love others if we don't already love ourselves.
And, for parents, it is no good to simply tell children that they are 'great'. They will compare themselves with other children and realise that they aren't 'great' just for existing and being a 'human.
To improve a child's self esteem it is necessary to be specific about something in particular that is done well. It is only when a child engages in personally meaningful endeavours, for which they can be justifiably proud, that self-esteem grows.
So, in summary:
There are a number of external factors which can be changed to help prevent ED's occurring, help find a pathway to recovery, and help avoid relapsing in the future.
The three external factors discussed in this blog - dieting; body-image, and self-esteem are all things which are not set in stone. They can all be changed and worked on - and with a more positive body-image and self-esteem, and with avoidance of any form of dieting - ever - health and well-being can be found.
I know this has been a long blog - but I hope it can be something to refer back to. Ideas in each section about how to improve these areas - can be worked on gradually. But at least you'll have a plan. A map back to health and happiness.
And, as I've said in every blog so far, I would recommend that anyone with an ED seek professional help with a psychologist or psychiatrist and a medical doctor as well. An ED is a very hard illness to overcome. However, you can ask for help - and seek it out until you find it - and fight to get better.
You are worth it. You'll see that in time. But I will tell you now. I don't even know you - but I send you my love. As a fellow human in this life journey -and as someone who had an ED - and recovered, and as the mother of a daughter who also had an ED - and recovered. With hard work. But you can do it too! I promise that you will be so glad that you did the work to recover.
*
Quote:
Dawna Markova
*
Next week I'll discuss the next external factor which will help prevent ED's, and help you to escape from the grasp of an ED: - The wonderful word: 'average' (which is anti-perfectionism). As explained in this blog - accepting being less than perfect, and not needing other people's approval - is part of developing a more positive self-esteem, and a more positive body-image.
I'll also look briefly at cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) thinking styles - which help people to see the world as a much more lovely place. CBT helps one to see the 'cup half full'. CBT releases us from perfectionism and brings with it happiness, contentment, and a significant reduction in anxiety and depression. Even without medication! CBT can get rid of the negative self-talk in your head.
Finally, before I go I have three funny little stories, from events which happened during the past week with my five year old son - Ollie. I will finish every blog in this ED series with a story related to 'anything except food and weight and ED's'!
When I talk later about coping while you recover - I'll mention getting away from the illness. At least for a while - everyday. Find life outside the confines of the drab ugly ED illness. Talk about other things, watch a lovely sun-rise or sun-set or … anything out in the world - beyond the illness. Get away from it for a while. And gradually, that life you build away from the illness (and discussions about it) will become the major part of your life.
Anyway, about my five year old Ollie. Three funny stories from this week:
He replied, 'It's a picture of you, mum. I love you so much but I thought I might forget what you looked like when I'm at school.'
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2. We looked at our house getting built last week. We were all impressed by the framework and the brickwork.Ollie squealed with delight, as he climbed over a 2 metre pile of sand, which had been dumped in the front yard - immediately anterior to the future front-door.
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3. Yesterday Ollie's reception-class had a policeman visit them.
The purpose of the visit was to teach the five-year olds about 'stranger-danger,' and to teach the children not to be afraid of police officers - if they were ever in trouble, lost, or needed help.
So, Ollie came home from school with orange ink on his finger tips (the class had been shown how to take finger prints from 'crooks'), and he still wore a name badge on his school-uniform - used to help the policeman talk to the children by name.
I asked Ollie, as I tucked him into bed at the end of the evening, how he liked his day.
'Well,' said Ollie, full of enthusiasm, 'the spy came to visit us at school!'
Ollie had misunderstood the purpose of the policeman's visit, and the exact nature of his job. But, I let him continue.
'I talked to him, mum!' he continued, breathless with excitement. 'I asked him if he had a van that turned into a Ferrari. Cause he's a spy.'
'What did he say,' I asked, trying not to laugh.
'He said he did!' Ollie was sitting up in bed, eyes wide as saucers. 'And he telled me it was top secret though … and I can't tell anybody.'
'Did you tell anyone, Ollie?' I asked.
'Yes,' he said softly. 'Just my class … But no-one else, mum.'
OK,' I whispered back. 'I won't tell anyone either.'
Life as a five year old little boy must be so exciting, I thought, as I kissed his forehead and turned out his light. I can imagine his little dreams that night! A spy coming to school - who owns a van which transforms into a ferrari ...
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I hope everyone has a lovely week.The purpose of the visit was to teach the five-year olds about 'stranger-danger,' and to teach the children not to be afraid of police officers - if they were ever in trouble, lost, or needed help.
So, Ollie came home from school with orange ink on his finger tips (the class had been shown how to take finger prints from 'crooks'), and he still wore a name badge on his school-uniform - used to help the policeman talk to the children by name.
I asked Ollie, as I tucked him into bed at the end of the evening, how he liked his day.
'Well,' said Ollie, full of enthusiasm, 'the spy came to visit us at school!'
Ollie had misunderstood the purpose of the policeman's visit, and the exact nature of his job. But, I let him continue.
'I talked to him, mum!' he continued, breathless with excitement. 'I asked him if he had a van that turned into a Ferrari. Cause he's a spy.'
'What did he say,' I asked, trying not to laugh.
'He said he did!' Ollie was sitting up in bed, eyes wide as saucers. 'And he telled me it was top secret though … and I can't tell anybody.'
'Did you tell anyone, Ollie?' I asked.
'Yes,' he said softly. 'Just my class … But no-one else, mum.'
OK,' I whispered back. 'I won't tell anyone either.'
Life as a five year old little boy must be so exciting, I thought, as I kissed his forehead and turned out his light. I can imagine his little dreams that night! A spy coming to school - who owns a van which transforms into a ferrari ...
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Be kind to yourself. And have a lovely coffee … and a piece of cake. I've done that at cafes everyday this week - with different friends. I go to work four days per week as well. So, I'm unfortunately not a 'lady of complete leisure'. But, again tomorrow morning, I'm meeting a friend for coffee at our lovely Glenelg Marina. You could google: Glenelg Marina images. It is a lovely place with great coffee and cheesecake.
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