b. A weekly journal of my journey to a healthy lifestyle (over three months - to New Years Eve 2018): Week 1

Week one.

I am now one week into my lifestyle change.  

So as expected, I'm running marathons and I look ten years younger! Obviously, I'm joking (sarcasm is my favourite form of wit).

It's slow.

And by slow, I don't just mean that the changes are gradual and hardly noticeable at one week; I also mean that I haven't turned my life upside down and begun all the changes immediately: I'm going easy on myself and folding the healthier-lifestyle behaviours into my existing daily routine - step by step. Small steps, that is. And, if I miss a day of exercise, or if I eat some junk food, well ... that's just par for the course, as far as I’m concerned. I don't hit the what-the-Hell button and give up! I just roll with it.

By the way, one of the biggest reasons that diets don’t work is that they’re too rigid and punitive, and they don’t allow for our limited willpower.

Willpower is not a limitless resource. No-one has an endless supply of it. Evidence for this lies in the fact that you never hear anyone talking about what great willpower they have, unless they’re lying or being sarcastic.

During the day, we use our willpower to get out of bed, complete chores, make decisions, and all the things we need to tick off our daily to-do lists. Dieting is yet another willpower-depleting activity which needs to be added to the daily list. So, after an exhausting day - when our limited will power is used up - diets will to be broken because we have no more willpower left to enforce them.

This is especially true when we finally get to sit down to watch television and then we remember there’s a packet of timtams in the fridge. Just one bite, we think. A tiny bite. However, in the black-and-white world of dieting, this tiny bite becomes a ‘What-the-Hell-the-diet’s-broken-I-may-as-well-eat-what-I-want-today’ event: So we finish off the whole packet of biscuits and whatever else we can find in the fridge and cupboards. We scavenge especially for foods which are banned on the diet: high sugar, high fat, high salt, high calorie foods: This is a binge. And binging never happens if you don’t starve yourself and ban foods - moderation is the key. Binging (with its extremely high calorie intake) also leads to even more weight-gain, in the long term.

So, diets cause weight gain, ultimately, not only because of the binging they cause (starvation-binge cycles due to our limited willpower), but because they slow metabolism (related to repeated ‘starvation’ in dieting), and they diminish our ability to read hunger and satiety signals - so we find it harder to know when we’re hungry or full. The latter causes people to eat at set ‘meal-times’ (whatever the clock says) and whatever is on the plate (larger plate, larger meal). However, without diets, we can read hunger/satiety signals which allows us to eat when we’re hungry and stop when we’re full - no matter what the clock says and no matter how much food is put on the plate: This is a far more accurate, healthy, and stable weight-management, strategy.

So as I’ve said, diets don’t work. They’re a bad idea. They cause weight gain, in the long term; they’re absolutely no fun; and they’re not something you can reasonably follow for the rest of your life. They’re not a lifestyle change; they’re an attempt at a quick fix.

So, back to the subject of lifestyle changes: 

I’m now one whole week into mine. And I’ve decided to go into this 'project' with an open-mind. By that, I mean that while I anticipate I'll feel healthier, as I eat a little better and exercise a little more, I’ll be taking the road not taken - so far, in my life (this is the title of a famous poem by Robert Frost, published in 1916: The Road Not taken, printed at the end of this blog) and so I don’t know what other changes will happen in my life related to this fairly simple change. This new road.

Small changes can sometimes make all the difference in our lives; however, no change will likely lead to more of the same. Along this line of philosophy, Einstein famously said: ’The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.’

                             

To demonstrate this last concept - simple changes we make in our lives leading to major consequences later on, I will tell the story that one of my patients told me this week about the events which have followed for her since she made the decision to change her lifestyle to a more healthy one, 12 months ago.

My patient is in her mid 50's, a few years older than me. She’s been my patient for a number of years, although I generally only see her annually. On this occasion, I hadn’t seen her since 2016, which is two years ago. I started the consultation by checking the medications she is taking: antipsychotics, antidepressants, anxiolytics - all to treat her bipolar disorder.

"Oh, no!" she said, and laughed. "I haven't been on any of those medications in over a year!"

It had been a busy morning and I was focusing on her medical file and anticipating our consultation, so I hadn’t really looked at her properly, until that moment. She was seated beside my desk, in my office, sitting forward in her chair: A tall blond woman, slightly overweight, healthy complexion, bright eyes, cheerful smile, neatly dressed in a summer frock and sandals. She looked well … and really happy.

I sat back in my chair indicating, with a gesture of my hand, that I wanted to know how these medication changes had come about.

"Well,” she continued, “ I just realised about a year ago - last August, in fact - that I had to make some serious changes in my life, if I wanted to stop feeling so depressed. I was so depressed, then … I didn't care if I lived or died. I’d felt that way for a long time, too. But I couldn’t go on like that any more. I was just so depressed. I couldn’t do it any more. And, I saw a photo of myself which made me realise how unhealthy and unhappy I was.

“So, I found a dietician,” she continued, “online, and I went to see her. First up, she said I needed to check, with my GP, that I didn’t already have diabetes. It was a Friday, and that scared me so much. Diabetes?! I never thought about having diabetes. I was heavier then. So it was reasonable that she said that. But I was so shocked … and scared. I raced in to see my GP on Monday morning; I’d seen her on Friday. Fortunately, I wasn't yet diabetic. Although, I was about 40kg overweight, the GP said. And I went back to the dietician and she  wrote me a healthy meal plan.” (Note: NOT a diet) “I was so determined. While I was at the GP’s, I also asked him if I could have a trial off my medications. I hadn’t had a manic episode, with my bipolar, for 20 years … so I thought I could at least try off the antipsychotics. He said Okay; we could see how I went. And I’ve been fine since then. I don’t need the medications now.

“I also stopped drinking," she added. "I was addicted to alcohol. I was going out late with my drinking friends … and when I told them I wasn't drinking any more, some of them tried to get me to keep on drinking. They'd pour me a drink … tell me, when I visited them, they had a bottle in the fridge waiting for me … and then I'd buy more alcohol on the way home. It was so annoying."

"That's likely a 'levelling' thing" I explained. "We often like to be around people who are about the same level as we are. It's like a 'keeping-up-with-the-Jones' thing. If our friends and colleagues wear nicer clothes - we might put more effort into what we wear. If our friends improve their fitness - we might make more of an effort. And the same goes with losing weight or other health changes. For some people, if they don't think they can stay 'level' with you - get fit, lose weight, stop drinking - they’ll try to pull you back down to their level again: They sabotage your success and get you to regain the weight you lost, resume smoking or drinking - and that makes them fell better about themselves. You’re level with them again. It’s often subconscious. They may not even realise why they’re doing it.”

"Yes!" she said. "That’s what was happening. It wasn’t nice. So in the end, because they wouldn't stop pushing me to drink, I decided that I had to leave those old friends, and find new ones, if I was going to continue with my new healthy life. I didn't know how I’d make new friends ... but I decided I'd work that out later.

“Then I focused on getting fit. I didn't have enough money for a personal-trainer at the gym, five days a week. But I decided that I would find the money by cutting other things out of my life: new clothes, cafe meals, any ‘luxuries’ I didn’t really need. I decided that I just had to get fit, so I’d find the money somehow. And I decided to workout, with my personal trainer, for 45 minutes, five days a week. I started that around the time I began to eat better"

"Wow!" I said. "You were really determined."

"I had to," she replied. "I couldn't go on like I was. Then, in April this year (five months ago), I had a dream. In my dream Roger Federer was talking to me. We were both standing on a tennis court and he said that I needed to play tennis. He told me I would do well at tennis. I woke from the dream, but it was so clear. I could remember the dream so well. I thought about it, as I lay in bed, and decided that I’d learn to play tennis. I used to be quite athletic, when I was a teenager, so why not?! I thought. That would also be a good way to make new friends.

This patient of mine was obviously incredibly determined. However, along her new path - the new road not taken before - she was increasingly motivated by the success she found with each small step she achieved: She was losing weight; getting fit; looking healthier, finding new friends, and her depression was lifting. With each success at each small step, she was becoming increasingly motivated to continue by the production of dopamine in her brain. Dopamine is known as the ‘motivation molecule’; it’s part of the ‘pleasure-reward’ system in our brain. As we achieve goals, dopamine rewards us with great pleasure - enjoyment, bliss, and even euphoria. This makes it easier and easier to continue along the path to health. This is when we begin to really miss engaging in these activities if we stop them.

This is all great, because this makes it increasingly easy to continue with the healthy lifestyle changes.

"So I started tennis lessons,” she said. “In my mid-50's, I learned tennis for the first time! And this week, I'm playing in a tournament. I'll play a number-two girl, while I'm only a number-five; but my tennis friend says that I play better than the other girl, so we’ll see."

"Well, good luck!" I said, happy for my happy patient who was now enjoying her new healthy life so much. This woman is now far more fit than I am - after only one year of changing her lifestyle! She has demonstrated courage and determination and she had been greatly rewarded. And this was only the beginning. What new adventures and wonderful experiences await her further down this new road, only time will tell. But it’s already so much better than where she would have been, had she not changed.

"Thanks,” she said. “But Robyn, I am so happy. I really am. I don’t remember ever being this happy. I don't drink any more.” (Note: Alcohol can cause depression; and people with depression often self-medicate with alcohol. So it’s often vicious cycle into worsening depression.) “I look forward to every day now. All of it. Life. People. And I've lost 25kg. I still need to lose another 15 - but I'm on track to that. I’ll just continue as I'm going and I’ll get there."

"You will get there,” I agreed. “This is a lifestyle change. This is how you make permanent healthy changes in your life. No diets. No fad changes. But, you’ve done so well! You're an inspiration."

I was inspired by my patient, as I so often am every week in my clinic by the people I talk to.

                            *

And that is what I mean when I say that I don't know what my changes will bring into my life. I don't need to lose weight, but already I feel happier than I did one week ago. And I'm sleeping better. So that’s a great start.

So, what exactly did I manage to do this week from my list of lifestyle changes I proposed at the start?

Exercise:

I got out of bed at around 7.15am and went across the corridor to the ‘gym’ (AKA: My garage - in which I have an exercise bike, a treadmill, and a few tiny weights (1.5kg) - all sitting amidst gardening equipment, bikes, go-carts, tools, and boxes). However, if I had to drive to a gym, I would be less likely to exercise. So, a good rule is to do exercise which you enjoy (or at least hate the least), is easily accessible (even a walk around the block and lifting milk-cartons), and affordable (as above with the milk-cartons and walking).

I’ve managed 30 minutes of minimally strenuous exercise on four days (I plan to exercise on five days) in the last week. That’s okay. It’s better than the previous ‘nothing’ I was doing.  

Initially, I didn't think I'd measure things like speed (on the treadmill) or resistance and speed (on the exercise bike) - but I think now I will. That will be an interesting thing to monitor my improving fitness. Also, I will gradually increase the number of squat jumps I do and repetitions of lifting weight. Eventually, I’ll even increase my weight above the current 1.5kg I lift (I know, embarrassingly ‘light-weight’).

I plan to begin swimming at least twice a week (I have gym membership costing me $30/week - and I haven't used it in over six months). I want to go swimming as it really helps my lower back disc herniation (the stretching really helps, the physio's tell me). If not swimming, yoga is also good for lower back as it also stretches the spine. However, for me, the pool is only a five-minute drive away.

I didn't swim this week, but baby-steps to fitness is the way I'm going. Maybe I'll swim later this week. We’ll see.

Diet:

I hate to write 'diet' - because it is a healthy eating lifestyle-plan - not a 'diet' per se. As I said, diets don’t work.  

I'm going slowly on changing my eating habits. Although, I had done a couple of things already, as explained in blog one, over a year ago: I stopped drinking coca-cola (I had been drinking 1 - 2 litres/day); and I reduced my sugar intake (I stopped buying processed sugary food - such as biscuits, cake, ice-cream, jam, and so on, with the groceries - which has already saved us about $200/week, and my husband's metabolic syndrome had improved - confirmed by his improving blood tests).  

So, the new step I have added, this week, is ensuring that I eat at least two fruit and four vegetables/day. I have done this with eating an apple and berries for breakfast each day, and salad consisting of mixed lettuce,carrot, and kale with tea each night. This is all pretty easy to do.

I still eat lollies and chocolates and cake everyday (when I'm out). I only stopped buying sugar with my groceries; I never ‘banned’ sugar from my life. Moderation, as I explained. So, I never crave sugar as I can eat it whenever I want. Just not at home. Also, I've found if you eat the vegetables and fruit and protein - following, roughly, the guidelines in The Healthy Eating Plate (detailed in my Eating Disorders blog) - you're not very hungry for junk food. (Link to blog explaining The healthy Eating Plate:  http://ourmultistorylives.blogspot.com/2015/07/eating-disorders-blog-8-recovery-3.html )

Also, it's been found, in psychology studies, that we tend to crave foods which are banned - but we don't crave foods which simply designate  I'll-have-them-later. So, allowing yourself to eat, in moderation, some of the foods which are less good for you, each day, reduces the risk of binging.  

I haven't yet managed to eat the two serves of fish/week or olive oil.  I managed fish once, this week. So, that’s an improvement, at least.

Meditation:

Didn't do it. Thought about it, but couldn't be bothered. Watching too much youtube still.

So, there's something to start this week.

I have the meditation tapes, and that's all you need, really. You don't need to go to expensive classes way across town. Although, it might be worth learning the basics at a class, if you've never meditated before. Although, there might also be some of these classes online. I tried learning meditation from books, initially, many years ago - but it was too hard for me to understand it. I've since then done a few courses, and they're really helpful at the beginning

A good night's sleep:

I've got to bed at 9.30pm to read and unwind until 10.30pm about half the time, this week. Although, I’ve found that my sleep is already better. Maybe it's the unwinding, or the exercise, but I don't wake at 3am and find it hard to get back to sleep, now. I used to get up at that time, a few times each week, and sit on the internet for a half hour - then struggle to get back to sleep. Often, I’d need a sleeping tablet. it didn't happen once, this week. But, it's early days yet.

Fun:

I've made more effort to spend time with my husband and kids: 

We've been playing table tennis a few times each day. And, we're getting better at it. I also get to chat to my 18 year old son more than I usually do, when we otherwise just pass each other in the hall or gulp down dinner at the table - on the nights that we do sit there.  

We also went out bike riding to Glenelg beach (around 12km round trip). It was lovely. Even if I didn't meditate, riding along the Esplanade, looking out across the sparkling sea, feeling the sun on my face ... I was in-the-zone … in the now. A sort of timeless right brain meditation. Lovely. Happy. My nine year old son rode ahead of me, for the whole trip (he’s still getting used to keeping to the left, and negotiating round-abouts correctly) and he commented how much he loved riding his bike. Since that trip, he’s gotten off his computer and gone riding around the neighbourhood after school! Was it really that easy to motivate him?! It’s a nice ripple-effect to happy times with the family. One of those unexpected things along this new road taken.

  

                               *

So, in a nut shell: Slow and steady. Little steps. There is no 'failure' in this. Just learning:

 One thing I learned was that if I don't eat breakfast, then I fill up on more junk food all day (which, as I said, I eat when I’m out of the house - at work, shopping and so on).

So, 'mistakes' are a chance to learn. It's all a journey and playing the long-game.

For next week, we've booked a holiday on the River Murray at Bow Hill. We're bringing our kayaks, so exercise and fun will be easy to do. The healthy eating might be a struggle (off in a holiday house) - but I'll learn how to do it and report back.

Another motivator to this lifestyle change: I got a sad e-mail from a friend, this week. One of the other mother’s - of my 18-year old son’s primary-school friend - e-mailed to tell me that the father of another 18 year old friend just died. I didn’t know him, but he was only in his late 40’s. I felt so sorry for this man and his family.

I know a healthy lifestyle can’t prevent all illnesses and early deaths, but it can make a positive difference for many people, and it can help to improve the quality of the time you have.

                              *

The Road Not Taken

(poem by Robert Frost: published 1916)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

                                                                          *